Balls zapping is just a start
S.Meredith of Liverpool wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top of the page. ELVIS: The Rebirth Of The King (BBC Four). Band Of Brothers repeats (SkyAt). Tom Davis. Classic EastEnders (Drama). Horizon’s Jupiter Revealed. Lolly Adefope. Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee (Netflix). Itzik Cohen, Fauda (Netflix).
THE week’s soap shocks in full: Kat Moon wore a top that wasn’t leopard print. Roy Cropper was flogging “curry & rice” for £3.75 (get in!)
And Zak Dingle was sporting a trilby (presumably a courtesy hat while his old cheese-cutter is in for its 5,000 episode service.)
SPOILER alert: Alfie Moon will be back in Walford soon and in touching scenes he and Kat will renew their rows…
MISERY-JUNKIE Kate Oates will be EastEnders’ new boss. That’s like an arsonist running the fire brigade. I guess Stephen King wasn’t available.
F Fletcher, Sheffield; A Tainton, Bangor; J Bruce, Essex; M Foster, Edinburgh; G Large, Coventry
THE TV highlight of the week was Ed Balls getting Tasered by Louisiana cops.
WALLOP! 100,000 volts right up the jacksie. Ed was groaning like Gemma Collins’ boyfriend when she’s on top.
If BBC One ever wants an alternative to Question Time, tormenting politicians would guarantee viewers. Gunge Hammond! Waterboard Corbyn! Stick Lord Adonis in the stocks!
Anna Soubry on a ducking stool you say? Bung it on pay-per-view and watch the dosh roll in...
A regular satirical show would give our rulers a metaphorical Tasering. But sadly there’s more chance of seeing Boris in a burka than of TV getting satire right.
The Nightly Show’s credibility lasted about as long as the European wine lake would in Jean-Claude Juncker’s backyard.
Matt Forde’s Unspun has all the bite of a knackered Gummy Bear. Mock The Week hasn’t landed a punch in years. And Have I Got News For You is now as edgy as a pair of old slippers.
Arena’s Whatever Happened To Spitting Image? reminded us how fearless political comedy used to be.
The ITV show rained latex hell on politicians of all parties, changing how we saw them. Mrs T was a cross-dressing Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday,
10 Lower Thames Street, London
EC3R 6EN tyrant, Kinnock a slippery windbag and David Steel a pathetic pipsqueak in David Owen’s pocket.
Think how they’d treat Grey May, a woman who makes Mavis Wilton look like Boudica; or Labour’s shameful anti-Semitism.
May has turned Brexit into such a long-running farce Brian Rix would be green with envy. While the Boris row underlines how staggeringly out of touch the political class are.
So where is the satire? The Yanks deliver strong topical gags every night, why can’t we?
Possibly because our TV bosses only commission shows that reflect their prejudices.
Frankie Boyle’s New World Order was like the provisional wing of The Guardian. Yet as well as exposing our rulers’ shortcomings, satire safeguards the right to offend.
In our babyish, po-faced culture, where people can lose their jobs for jokes, there is a real need to barbecue the sacred cows.
GETTING Tasered is known in the States as “joining the five-second club”...which, according to graffiti in the Queen Vic ladies loo, is also the nickname for women who sleep with Robbie Jackson.
RE Boris, Stephen Fry cracked an identical burka gag on HIGNFY with no come-back whatsoever.
While any wet nitwit wishing to be “offended” should just Google Emily Thornberry’s thoughts on burka wearers as expressed on Question Time. TELEVISION is full of mysteries. Like what does Claudia Winkleman actually do to merit £380k-a-year?
Why does Walford’s E20 nightclub open in the afternoon? And, most baffling of all, how did Age Before Beauty ever get commissioned?
The cast burst into a fantasy song and dance sequence last week, and that wasn’t even the most farfetched moment. The BBC One “drama” makes Sense8 seem like gritty reality. Bel’s beauty salon is stuffed with grotesques like her deranged sister Leanne and old slapper mum.
Seriously, if you were her you’d be begging Trump’s border patrol to separate you from your family.
Encouraged by brother-in-law Ted, Bel’s husband Wes is over the side with hot young personal trainer Lorelei, a woman who brings new meaning to “must-have fitbit”. Talk about Age Over Booty. Instead of kicking him out, Bel booked a session with her in a light disguise. Surely Lorelei would’ve checked his Facebook page? She’d know what Bel looks like.
If Ted wed Loopy Leanne just to stay close to Bel, why would he wait so long to break up her marriage?
And why go to such extreme lengths to hook up with a nice but dull woman? This drama’s not cutting it... DINA Asher-Smith, right – dazzling…Brad Garrett, I’m Dying Up Here (SkyAt).…Kevin McNally, Unforgiven… Better Call Saul (Netflix). DIGBY Edgley, left, Made In Chelsea – so dull he makes Theresa May seem charismatic ...Hang Ups – let-down ...Age Before Beauty – as authentic as the tans in its salon. DALE on Cuckoo making the title a perfect anagram for o-u-cock. Under-lit dramas – they’re supposed to look moody, but actually look like they’re set in a coal mine. The BBC’s pretence that any Real Marigold celebs might actually retire to India.
“ROMESH doesn’t mean penis,” the comedian insisted on Judge Romesh. Despite all evidence to the contrary.