Chase numpties not up to speed
GORDON Ramsay was talking about how to cook onion rings when he said: A.Wightman of Gwent wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top of the page.
ACTRESS-activist Pamela Anderson wants a baby at 51. That’s proper old labour…
ANOTHER week, another nitwit on The Chase.
Question master Bradley Walsh asked: “Noted for its short legs, the Scots Dumpy is a variety of which farmyard bird?”
“Ostrich,” zero-scoring Fiona replied.
The teatime quiz, now one of ITV’s Top Ten shows, has a terrific host, an addictive format and more dumb answers than Vogue Williams on microCelebrity Mastermind.
We’ve heard contestants claim that New Zealand was mapped out in the 1770s by Robinson Crusoe, that the penny farthing bike had 12 wheels.
And that the erection known locally as the Gateshead flasher is the Statue of Liberty. Dimbo gems include – Brad: “Which London Mayor supposedly became rich because of his cat’s ratcatching abilities?” Contestant: “Boris Johnson.” Brad: “The Manchester Ship Canal connects Manchester with which other English city?” Contestant:
Asked which Abba song was called “Grazzie Per La Musica” in Italian, a contestant replied: “Waterloo”. Idiota!
Brad’s giggling fits, pictured, triggered by unusual names are even funnier. Yes you, Fanny Chmelar, Dick Tingeler and Misty Hyman. Not to mention Gobbler’s Knob. Yet much as I love the show, some elements grate. Like nitwits who buzz and guess in the final chase without waiting to see if anyone else actually “Belfast.” knows the answer. What’s all that about?
Twerps who describe barmy wrong answers as “educated guesses”. Who educated them? Joey Essex?
Freeloading gits who take a minus sum to get through. The Dark Destroyer persisting with that dire “one question shoot-out” catchphrase.
Players who say: “I don’t know what form the Chaser’s in.” Irrelevant! If you answer correctly he can’t catch you. “You’re a better player than that” used whenever some plank scores two or under in their opening round.
And, of course, there is the whole panto when Brad asks the other contestants which offer their teammate should take. Nine times out of 10 they just say: “Take the middle offer, we need you in the final.”
Or: “I think you’re capable of going for the higher offer, but it’s up to you.”
If they cut all that waffle there’d be room for another whole round, like a double-or-nothing option at the end.
Now that would be a proper shootout, Shaun, old son. I’M in the USA checking out TV developments.
New shows on air soon include Kidding with Jim Carrey, left, as a much-loved kids’TV star whose life starts to unravel like Stuart Halfway’s bacon rind.
And Manifest – a plane mysteriously lands five years after it took off.
The world has changed and loved ones assumed that the passengers were dead.
Possibly
Brexit has even happened.
Patrick Stewart will reprise his role as Jean-Luc Picard in a new Star Trek series set after
The Next Generation.
The Deuce returns for season two next month. Set in New York’s sex-trade underworld, the sleazy
70s drama stars James Franco and Maggie Gyllenhaal as a smart hooker who escapes into porn films.
Kelsey Grammer, inset, is pitching a reboot of brilliant sitcom Frasier with the snobby shrink relocated to a new city. The US re-make of Lynda La Plante’s
80s crime drama Widows is due to start in November.
Game Of Thrones returns for its final run early next year. Former Daily Star pop reporter turned sci-fi writer Jane Goldman is working on a prequel set thousands of years before it.
Also due next year – an HBO series based on Alan Moore’s Watchmen comics.
●DOG-surfing is a thing out here. Wonder how they stay on 'em. LAETITIA Eido, right, Fauda (Netflix)...the Unforgotten finale, even though I’m sick of Whodunnits always turning into Hedunnits. SALLY Morgan, left – makes me want to contact “the other side”, usually Sky Atlantic… Eight Go Rallying – road to nowhere...Age Before Beauty...Krypton – Superman crapped-on. TV’s Edinburgh obsession. The fringe hasn’t produced a household name star for years. Aren’t you sick of comedy as social work, confessional, or Ted Talk lecture? How about just making us laugh, you self-indulgent twerps?
‘There’s nothing worse than a soggy ring.’