Tum­bling Doc falls a bit flat

Daily Star Sunday - - FRONT PAGE -

TOO much virtue-sig­nalling, not enough sto­ry­telling. Too much run­ning and driv­ing around. Speeches in the mid­dle of life-or-death con­fronta­tions. The new theme mu­sic. The sonic screw­driver – it’s a magic wand and a lazy cheat. DAVID Corkill was com­ment­ing on World In­doors Bowls when he said: A.Wight­man of New­port wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em com­ing to the ad­dress at the top of the page.

JOE Pasquale’s lat­est tour crams in daft gags, duff magic and dodgy mind-read­ing. ITV should film it. He’s never been fun­nier.

JODIE Whit­taker is ter­rific as the new Doc­tor Who. She’s charis­matic and fun.

It’s like she’s chan­nelling the spirit of David Ten­nant with a side or­der of Vic­to­ria Wood.

Did any­one else mis­take her for Leanne Bat­tersby?

Wouldn’t that be a show? Time Lady Leanne clob­ber­ing cos­mic creeps on the Cor­rie cob­bles armed only with a sonic hot­pot...in be­tween se­duc­ing Cy­ber­men and cop­ping off with Kaagh the Son­taran.

More ex­cit­ing maybe than this open­ing episode...

Eight mil­lion watched it, but that fig­ure will plum­met – not quite as spec­tac­u­larly as the Doc did her­self – if the plots don’t im­prove.

Talk about more pants than Calvin Klein. Chris Chib­nall’s script was flat­ter than Cas­san­dra. It had no proper frights, no new ideas and next to no sci-fi.

Vil­lain Tzim-Sha, right, a snooty “Stenza war­rior”, came to Sh­effield to bag a hu­man tro­phy. So we’re talk­ing a poor man’s Preda­tor.

His face looked like it had been peb­bledashed with Rice Krispies. These were his vic­tims’ teeth.

The Tooth-Scary’s tar­get was wimpy crane driver Karl (Cor­rie’s Dar­ryl Mor­ton) – hardly Preda­tor ma­te­rial. If he’d gone for Kayla West­brook he’d have Email me at: garry.bushell@ dai­lystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sun­day,

10 Lower Thames Street, Lon­don

EC3R 6EN bagged enough gnash­ers to cover Eileen Grimshaw...

When the fe­male Doc was an­nounced, vile sex­ists asked if she’d be able to re­verse the Tardis into a park­ing bay without scrap­ing the sides.

The first thing she did was fall out of it – plung­ing through the roof of a train to save pas­sen­gers men­aced by fly­ing biotech tum­ble­weed.

She’s lost her Tardis and gained new com­pan­ions.

Plucky nurse Grace sadly per­ished, but the Doc keeps her dys­praxic grand­son Ryan, pro­ba­tion­ary plod Yaz and her wid­owed hus­band Gra­ham (Bradley Walsh). He’s a re­tired bus driver in a West Ham scarf. Noth­ing here will pet­rify him as much as Liver­pool at home next Fe­bru­ary. The Doc has a new im­age – she looks like she was dressed in the dark by Mork from Ork. And Chib­bers has done away with Steven Mof­fat’s archly con­vo­luted scripts.

This makes the show eas­ier to fol­low, but it needs smarter sto­ries and bet­ter vil­lains than this – ones that re­flect con­tem­po­rary fears.

The Daleks were Nazis, Cy­ber­men were Com­mu­nists. It’s about time Bri­tish sci-fi grew up and took on Daesh. Right now, the tone is CBBC with the death rate of a po­lice pro­ce­dural. CHRIS O’Dowd, far right, Get Shorty, (SkyAt)... A Dan­ger­ous Dy­nasty...Ted Dan­son, The Good Place (Net­flix). KURRAN, left, The Ap­pren­tice – as smug as Jean-Claude Juncker and just as use­less...The Bi­sex­ual – “com­edy drama” that’s nei­ther... Wan­der­lust – even the cli­max was un­sat­is­fy­ing.

‘David Gourlay has pushed it too much, if you look at where our rings are red’

RE Ma­niac, is it pos­si­ble some­one put the script through Banksy’s shred­der and then put it back to­gether in the wrong or­der? It’d ex­plain a lot.QUIZ nitwit of the week: Joanna on The Chase. Asked which large mam­mals greet each other by shak­ing trunks, she replied: “Dol­phins.”

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