WIN WORTH £1,00 HOLIDAY VOUCHERS WITH

● ONLINE marketplace TransferTravel.com is giving away £1,000 to spend on your next adventure.

You can use it towards flights, package holidays, accommodation, rail travel, festivals or even cruises.

From raving to living the high life on the Riviera, the choice is yours.

Our lucky winner will have six months to pick their prize from the website.

And with all travel deals listed by real people selling their unwanted bookings, there are guaranteed bargains to be found and exciting new items are being added every day.

Get your entry in before midnight on October 26, 2018. Prize non-transferable and no cash alternative available.

CALL 0905 789 3552

(80ppm)* or text

DSSWIN6 followed by your email address, name and address to

(£2)**. Or to enter via post send your name, address, phone number, email address, age and gender in a sealed envelope to Transfer Travel Competition, BIG G via email

I JUST went to an appointment with a fortune teller who told me a lot of money was coming my way.

I left all excited…then got run over by a Securicor van.

DAVID BLOW Hemel Hempstead

WHAT did the police officer say to his belly button?

“You are under a vest!” HUGH P Nantwich, Ches

Q: WHAT would you get if you crossed a Beatle with an Australian dog? A: Dingo Starr. MORTY Leeds

I COULDN’T remember which direction the sun rises…and then it dawned on me.

GEOFF, via email PO BOX 12581, Sutton Coldfield

B73 9BX. Only one entry per letter.

This competition will close at midnight on

26.10.18 and three working days later for postal entries.

IT may not sound exciting, but this is a great month to spot fungus. We have around 3,000 species, of which fewer than 2% are edible. Look for them in damp meadows or on lawns. ■HOVER AND OUT: Kestrels are a familiar sight above fields MY girlfriend has left me because of my obsession with touching pasta.I’m feeling cannelloni right now…