STAR’S EX-HUBBY OPENS UP TEN YEARS ON
JADE Goody’s sons are still grieving – 10 years after the reality star died of cancer.
Dad Jeff Brazier says getting older brings fresh challenges for their boys, Bobby, 15 and Freddie, 14.
Jeff, 39, told the Daily Star Sunday: “Grief evolves. You might think 10 years later it’s surely going to be calming down a bit and they’ll be used to it and it’ll cause them less pain.
“But the truth is they’re going through teenage changes.
“It can be very confusing at times because where mum should be an easy conversation to bring up at this late stage, it actually becomes harder because teenagers don’t want to talk about things they are emotionally invested in.”
He added: “We used to have a monthly discussion about mum, but now they’re almost resistant to it.”
Jeff is determined to make life as easy as possible for his sons and tries to get them to confront their grief head on.
He said: “It’s not what I signed up to. “But it’s something I’ve got to do. I need to make sure they still talk about their mum and never forget about her.
“I want them to continually challenge and question their grief. I don’t want them to suppress it. That’s my fear.
“People who try to deny their loss and forget about it will find that it builds like pressure in a pressure cylinder. It has to because it’s not something you can deny. It’s not something that evaporates.
“There are stages where you are resistant to it. The natural flight or fight reaction is to resist it. But that’s a battle you’ll lose. Ignoring it creates more problems.
“When people become comfortable talking about their loss it starts to get easier. There isn’t less pain. That pain is still there. But you accept the pain. When you show emotion, that’s a sign you’re dealing with your grief in a constructive way.”
When Jade died in 2009, aged 27, Jeff was left with the task of helping their sons cope. He got vital support from Grief Encounter – a charity which helps bereaved children.
He said: “I didn’t for one second imagine I’d be naturally able to come up with all the answers. There’s an element of desperation.
“You know you love your children. But what happens when the unknown starts to present itself? What do you do when they’re crying for their mum?
“What do you do when they’re being naughty because they’re upset about losing their mum? The answers to all those questions are always best sought through experts.” Jeff, who used to be a footballer and went on to forge a TV career, married his girlfriend Kate Dwyer in September in Portugal.
He now works as a therapist and has expertise in coping with grief.
People struggling with loss regularly message him for advice.
He said: “I have to constantly look at my inbox. I’m constantly worried about missing something from somebody.
“The volume can be overwhelming.
“But I still encourage people to message me. I’m a therapist who helps people with bereavement issues and I’ve written a book on the subject.
“That puts me in a position where people will ask me and I welcome that.”
For support see griefencounter.org.uk