NO PLODDER!
Rapid Skoda’s ringer for an unmarked cop car
TWAS only t’other day I was bad-mouthing those strange folk who ride motorbikes in hi-viz vests with “POLITE” written across the back.
These people are effectively impersonating police officers, presumably in the vague hope it will help them to be seen.
Coupled with a white motorbike, white crash helmet and some deftly applied fluorescent decals, the plastic plod look is complete.
And then only yesterday – after the umpteenth car in front of me braked and slowed to exactly 70mph – I realised I was guilty of the same crime… my drab-coloured fast Skoda was to all intents and purposes an unmarked cop car.
The Skoda Superb is the ultimate unmarked “fed” fodder. And the spec I tried
– with four-wheel drive and a slightly bonkers 272bhp turbocharged petrol engine and flappy paddle, sevenspeed DSG gearbox – makes this discreet saloon the ultimate, stealthy high-speed pursuit vehicle. There’s plenty of room in the ridiculously big boot for traffic cones, stingers and various other Old Bill paraphernalia. And the back seats offer enough leg and head-room to detain a couple of lanky baddies.
But the downside to driving a blandcoloured, high performance Skoda in civvy street is that the world around you assumes you’re the enemy. This can hamper your progress considerably. Brake lights on a motorway always send a shiver up my spine. And seeing a Meteor Grey Superb in your mirror appears to trigger the braking foot like nothing else.
If I (perish the thought) were a traffic cop I wouldn’t grumble about having to use an unmarked Superb – especially in Sportline spec with its comfy Alcantara-covered seats and dazzlingly bright Bi-Xenon directional headlights. The driver’s seat (not the unfortunate passenger’s, sadly) is electrically adjustable in so many planes that getting your position just-so is a cinch.
Combined with the frisky 2.0TSi petrol engine, all that turbo boost adds up to the sort of performance you wouldn’t normally associate with a large Skoda saloon.
The top speed and 0-62 stats are impressive but it’s the ingear, mid-range, on-the-roll acceleration sensations that really impress. Whatever the gear, whatever the speed, you can plant the pedal and this Superb just rockets forwards. Peak torque is delivered at an impressively low 2,000rpm. And that’s what you feel – grunt.
There’s a lot of grip, too.
The Haldex (same as Audi) four-wheel drive system shifts most of the power to the front wheels to save on drag and therefore fuel consumption.
When the conditions demand, an electronically controlled hydraulic clutch engages to send up to half the power to the rear wheels as well.
I wouldn’t fancy trying to outrun this bad boy, that’s for sure.
I wouldn’t fancy having to pay for it either. My test car, fitted with £600 worth of sound system, £700 worth of dynamic chassis control, a heated steering wheel (£140), heated front seats (£255), heated windscreen (£305), heated washer nozzles (£55), a sunroof (£865!) and a temporary space saver spare wheel (£150) tipped the scales at a very Audi-VW-like £38,255.
Yes, yes, I know. It is an Audi/VW/ Seat in all but name and badge. But nudging £40k does seem brave for this brand.
As good as it is to behold/inhabit/drive, that’s premium brand money with a badge that the uninformed might turn their noses up at.
But it’s the ultimate low-pro, high-po mile cruncher. It’s in its elephant on fast, flowing A roads or battering up and down motorways, where the long wheelbase adds a soupcon of stability and serenity to the proceedings.
And there’s always the novelty of the concealed umbrella in the door…just the job when you’re issuing speeding tickets on a rain-lashed M40 in the middle of December.