Leah and a liar are pretty dire
RYLAN was talking about a cream horn on Bake Off when he said: A.Wrightman of Newport wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top of the page.
LUTON cops collared a scumbag rapist on 24 Hours In Police Custody. Good job. But while they had plenty of time and manpower, in the Met it’s likely that only two officers would handle a stranger rape case. A worry. RONNIE O’Sullivan’s 1,000th snooker century on ITV4. Will Smith’s Bucket List (Facebook Watch). Maria Schrader, Deutschland ’86. Linzey Cocker, White Gold. The Legend Of Leadbelly (Smithsonian). Cheers re-runs. Australia’s Magical Kingdom. CHEAT expected us to care whether or not an oddball university student fiddled her sociology essay.
Every sociology course in the country could be closed down by plagues of locusts tomorrow and few viewers would give a monkey’s.
To spice it up, ITV tossed in murder and bad sex.
Lecturer Leah had a joyless romp with husband Adam and later pleasured herself in the college loos while fantasising about bedding her boss... which naturally left her flushed.
She wasn’t feeling herself after that though. Weird Rose set out for revenge after Leah humiliated her in class.
The plot was unlikely, absurd and totally unpredictable... and yet stripped over a week like a Geordie Shore slapper, the psycho-thriller gripped like Mary Berry on the back of a Vespa.
The story advanced via flash-forwards so we knew Adam was going to end up brown bread, although viewers were more upset about Rose killing Leah’s cat (a clear case of Tom-icide... sorry).
The time jumps showed that one of the two women ended up in prison – Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday,
10 Lower Thames Street, London
EC3R 6EN but which one and would it be the right one?
Here’s how it went: so-so sociology student Rose handed in a strikingly good essay. Lecturer Leah didn’t like her attitude and failed her.
So Rose made herself busier than an umbrella seller at Cheltenham. She bumped off Betsy the cat, nicked Leah’s engagement ring and conned Adam into sexting her.
No points for guessing who she forwarded the image to... (in fairness, the best
“dick pic” he could have sent was of his own face).
On Wednesday we learned that Leah’s father Michael was
Rose’s dad too, the result of an affair with his researcher.
Rose seduced Adam – roughly as hard as coaxing Jo Brand into a patisserie. And then someone killed him. But who? Rose? Her love-sick porter Ben? Leah? Rose framed Leah then confessed murder to Michael, lying that it was self-defence. Ben killed her stepfather’s dog, and probably her stepfather, and finally Leah’s family were reunited. We never did find out if she had copied her essay. I feel cheated.
P.S. Someone really should pitch Adam’s miraculous cat-tracking app on Dragons’
Den. ANNETTE Badland, Midsomer Murders... Sonja Gerhardt, right, Deutschland ’86... Helen McCrory in anything. THIS Time With Alan Partridge, left – make it the last time... Turn Up Charlie (Netflix) – turn off immediately... MotherFatherSon – wetter than Storm Gareth. ROISIN Conaty plays a prostitute on After Life, which is apt as she rather resembles a blow-up doll that’s been blown up too much.
I find her strangely alluring, even if she has the acting range of a blancmange. I wasn’t so struck on the show until I watched every episode back to back. It’s more tragedy than comedy, with Ricky Gervais as grieving widower Tony. It has poignant scenes, tender moments and not as many laughs as you would expect from our finest taboo-busting comedian.
The best jokes feel borrowed or recycled. Jimmy Jones has done the small hands gag since the 70s, while the “paedo” response had a whiff of Chubby Brown.