ON THE WILD SIDE Fowl & mouthy
WATCH the woods burst with toadstools and mushrooms. Quite often, the mushroom you spot is only a small part of the fungus and the wood it grows on is full of it. VISIT any body of fresh water with grass nearby and I can almost guarantee you will see a Canada goose.
They are one of the UK’s most common invasive species, and definitely one of the least liked. You may have memories of being chased by one, stepping in their mess, or being woken up by their terrible honking calls.
They way outnumber our native greylag goose and are very much here to stay. The Canada goose first found its way to the UK (from, you guessed it, Canada) in the 17th century, under the rule of Charles II. The monarch had a famous waterfowl collection in St James’s Park and you will find Canada geese there alongside pelicans to this day.
Unlike the pelicans, they did not stay in the park. Their population exploded in the 20th century, and today in winter you can find around 200,000 clogging up our parks and gardens.
They are a little like cattle in their grazing habits – eating roots, seeds, leaves and grass. Favourite spots to find a good meal are parkland with ponds, and well-cut lawns.
A single goose will eat 2kg of grass every day, and poo out 1kg of it. Their poo can carry diseases like E.coli and salmonella. Be sure to wash children’s hands if they have been playing near them.
So why are these huge birds so common now? Well, they are very tame. They learned very quickly that people will feed them, and our parks and gardens offer safe homes with ample food.
They also have few predators in the UK. Their eggs and babies are eaten by big gulls, foxes and ravens, but few things are brave enough to take on an adult bird. Goshawks, peregrine falcons and golden eagles would, but are rare enough to be unreliable pest controllers. Canada geese routinely live to 20 years. The oldest in the UK lived in the grounds of the University of York and made it to 31. They generally have one nest a year, with five or more eggs, which they sit on for a month before the goslings hatch. Adults moult out all their feathers while looking after the young, so they can’t fly while rearing. They return to flight as their chicks start to learn. Canada goslings, inset, are fluffy and adorable, and can walk and eat as soon as they hatch. Parents are insanely protective and are likely to attack anything that gets too close.
Chicks can only successfully be reared in fresh water. Adult birds develop a “salt gland” to deal with excess salt, but the goslings do not have one and can die from injesting too much.
DEANO via email
THE missus wanted me to take her to Vegas to see The Temptations. I took her to Primark and got her Four Tops.
DAFT BOZ via email
I’M so unfit I can’t even catch up with my own sleep.
ERIC Blackpool
I’VE been thinking about auctioning my John Lennon stuff on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal…
LISA MAC via email
Q) How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
A) You will see one in a while and the other one later.
JIMMY via email
SOME guy assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
How dairy!
MURRAY, via email