Sugar: Say so long, suckers
LESLEY Manville, World On Fire. Old Columbos, 5USA. The fake postcode on Motherland: NE1 4ABJ. England vs Australia, rugby. Cleopatra (coming atcha), Celeb Coach
Trip. LORD Sugar needs smarter contestants like The Wall needs a wrecking ball.
Gawd they’re dim. His Apprentice wallies couldn’t even produce a decent ice lolly.
“A big lump of rosemary was in my mouth. It was like eating a garden,” gasped Karren Brady, who was talking about an unnecessary ingredient in the girls’ offering and not one of the contestants.
The boys decided against adding “activated charcoal” to their blueberry lolly and went with stem ginger, lavender, beetroot and edible glitter instead. Yum, said absolutely no-one.
Their pink deluxe creation looked, according to Sugar, “as if Ann Summers has gone into the ice-cream business”. Or, in Ryan-Mark’s words, “like a penis”.
No wonder the buyer refused to suck one on camera.
She did offer to buy them at £1 a pop, though. But sub-team leader Dean, who couldn’t negotiate a handshake at a Masonic ball, turned her down and Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP walked away with nothing. By some miracle Sugar spared him and sacked team leader Kenna Ngoma instead. Kenna was “in the industry” and had “an understanding from an ice cream and lolly perspective”... but not enough of one to make the product tasty. (Go on mate, prove Shugs wrong – pitch your sex lollies on Dragons’ Den.) The girls’ team couldn’t even manage simple maths, yet once again they were saved because the blokes were far worse.
The exception is Charley Boorman lookalike Thomas Skinner. He’s a natural salesman and so Cockney he makes Danny Dyer seem posh. So expect PC transgressions down the line.
This stage of the show is more about the big egos and nitwits. So we have Ryan-Mark – the Michael McIntyre clone who explodes in orgies of selflove like a young John Bercow. And loose cannon Lottie.
The winner is almost certainly still under the radar. TOM Allen, right, The Apprentice: You’re Fired...Swamp Thing (AmPrime)...A Confession finale... Spiral (BBC4)...new The Walking Dead. ZION Lights, left – rebel without a clue...Brendan Cole, The X Factor: Celebrity – cheesier than a stuffed-crust pizza... Googlebox pushing C4’s political agenda. LOADED eco-luvvies. Nish Kumar claiming his critics are motivated by “racism” rather than the fact that he’s not funny. Strictly: It Takes Two. Yank women with “lickle girl” voices.
Does Lord Sugar most resemble a walnut or a scrotum?