A grim gulp of Guinness Noir
A WOMAN on a bus told me: “Strictly booked the wrong Bushell.” They didn’t. My dancing is far worse than Mike’s, unless pogoing counts.
Besides, I’d need round-theclock training to meet the Strictly curse requirements.
CRAIG told Kelvin he was “a bit stiff”. No surprise, he’s dancing with Oti.
PALOMA Faith as Bet Sykes in Pennyworth, left, (Starzplay). Great Canal Journeys. Mr Mercedes (AmPrime). Harry Hill. Hustle on iPlayer. Dirty Harry on TCM.
LUBNA was fired on The Apprentice. A shock to me – I hadn’t noticed she was there.
TALKING of The Apprentice, they had a “next generation helmet” on the show. Tsk, that’s no way to talk about Ryan-Mark.
IT was raining baby squid on Watchmen but it’s still not quite as bonkers as Dublin Murders.
What started as a grim psychological thriller about children murdered in the woods has gone full Stephen King on us.
Chain-smoking DS Rob Reilly, who escaped that fate as a kid, keeps his real identity hidden and is stalked by visions of a wolf.
His pint-sized partner DC Cassie Maddox had an imaginary childhood friend called Lexie who turned out to be her supernatural double... and has also just been murdered.
Confused? Me too. The plot makes Only Connect look like Tipping Point.
I call it Guinness Noir because you’d have to drink gallons of the black stuff before it starts making sense.
Elsewhere, Doctor Mark Hanley was caught dancing naked around a
Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP woodland altar while dousing his body in cheap red wine. Either he’s a Liberal Democrat or he took the wrong turning coming home from Glastonbury.
It’s the madman in the donkey jacket with the tin of paint who worries me. Where does he keep his brush and how does he clean it to stop it from going hard?
He’s busy painting “He rises” on billboards. Rob certainly did when he got turned on by Cassie’s tears. The debauched detectives were at it in the evidence archives room. Nobody on TV has sex in beds any more –they do it in cars, on bonnets, up against walls...
Even on Sanditon they were romping on the cold drawing room floor, despite being yards away from a cosy four-poster with goose down pillows.
(Confession time: My wife once asked me if we could have sex “like they do on telly” – she got the right hump when the camera crew turned up.)
Rob was off with Cassie the morning after, so odds-on this won’t end well for him.
LUCY Punch, right, Motherland... Zofia Wichlacz, World On Fire... Giri/Haji... Regina King, Watchmen (SkyAt).
MODERN Love, left, – love? There’s nobody even likeable...Corrie’s misery addiction... Sarah Lancashire’s “Welsh” accent on The Accident.