Fast food and faster women
R.I.P. Clive James, a wise, warm and witty man – a fine broadcaster, and the writer who turned TV criticism into an art form.
WORKING in a brothel is “just like working in a chip shop,” said Kath on A Very Yorkshire Brothel.
Which certainly explains the size of the staff, if not the lack of decent crackling.
The cheery, chunky hookers look like they’d waddled in from a seaside postcard. Their humour was similarly down-to-earth and salty.
They do business in the Fantasy Room – presumably so you can fantasise that your “masseuse” is size 14 or under.
There’s a Naughty Boy’s Room too, though “boy” is pushing it.
They’re sustained by a trickle of elderly customers and a steady supply of takeaways. Munching on a McDonald’s here has no filthy connotations.
We met big, brassy Lily Loves-It, a fake French maid powered by real French fries.
No idea what services Lily provides, but odds on her “handmade Xmas” would differ significantly from Kirstie’s.
For a tenner you could probably slap her rump and ride the waves. One old boy told Lily she had “a nice little bottom”, which is much like praising Gisele Bundchen for her pert hooter.
If these lardies of the night seemed familiar it’s because C4’s 2015 A
Very British Brothel was shot at the same Sheffield City Sauna run by Kath and daughter Jenni, inset with Alice.
ITV had two new pegs. The women are campaigning to legalise brothels. And Kath installed a sex doll called Samantha – probably the production team’s idea. Their place is obviously safer than working the streets and more of a giggle than the German ones they visit next week – they don’t have slogans like “A blow job is better than no job” there. Legal knocking shops are also taxable. You may be a dirty old sod, but you’re doing your patriotic duty. POSSIBLE spin-offs: Celebrity Big Brothel, The Sex Factor, SAS: Who Dares Sins...
THE Irishman, right (Netflix)... Milly Alcock, Upright (SkyAt) ...Kelly Macdonald, Giri/Haji.
HOW To Spend It Well At Xmas – jingle hell... The War Of The Worlds, left – the bore of the week.
BRUNO Tonioli. TV news over-relying on pointless vox pops. Liz Bonnin’s biased and laughably flawed anti-meat propaganda. The BBC’s inability to book balanced studio audiences.
PEOPLE say Gold Digger’s work-shy Ben and bra-less Julia have nothing in common, yet neither of them has any visible means of support...