‘Parfam’ idea scent packing
NISH Kumar getting booed was hilarious. Finally, he makes us laugh.
JOHNNY Cash clips (Country Music). Stanley Baxter’s Best Bits. The sign on ITV’s brothel: “Please use rear entrance.” Kate Garraway’s cleavage. Undercover Billionaire. Andrew Neil interviews.
LORD Sugar’s fragrance task on The Apprentice gave Lewis Ellis a chance to truly stink.
Marketing man Lewis was entirely to blame for his team’s defeat.
He spelt parfum as “parfam” on the packet and independent as “indepedent”, then lumbered it with a picture of a blonde “with her shorts up her bum” staring at an ice-topped mountain.
He could have called of ass.
Lewis was sweating like Prince Andrew couldn’t as he struggled to dream up a slogan before finally hitting on: “Determined. Push boundaries, move mountains.” Yeah. Eat your heart out, Don Draper.
“I wouldn’t buy it, it looks cheap and nasty,” said his own team leader Pamela.
The citrus fragrance she and Dean hit on was way better than rival Carina’s. Her “empowering” concoction was so overpowering it should have come with an antidote.
The heady blend of sandalwood, jasmine, rose, lavender, cucumber and rhubarb sounded “like a Jamie Oliver it essence meal”, according to Sugar. It had “everything but the kitchen sink,” sniffed Karren, adding: “Smells like the kitchen sink, though.”
Sugar reckoned the bottle “looked like one of Pat Butcher’s earrings” – actually, more like a Dyson hairdryer. And Carina had to ditch Lottie’s strange Dynasty-style 80s power couple promo shot completely.
No-one spotted that they’d spelled breathe as “breath” on the packet.
Lewis survived only because his business plan must be marginally smarter than Dean’s. On Wednesday the final five face Sugar’s interrogators.
Let’s hope know-it-all Lottie gets roasted like a Christmas chestnut.
What would a Thomas Skinner perfume have smelled like? Pie and mash, probably, with the brand name Bosh!
He’s much missed. Thomas was the only candidate with an ounce of business flair. But this “process” is more to do with finding a management suit than an entrepreneur.
BEST rejected fragrance: Passive Aggression by Lottie.
RACHEL Brosnahan, The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel (AmPrime), right...Giri/Haji finale (but maybe not the ballet)... Vikings (AmPrime)... Annabel Scholey, Britannia.
THE War Of The Worlds, left – the waste of the licence fee... lop-sided Gogglebox politics...The Turner Prize – turn it in.
ANOTHER X Factor spin-off starts tomorrow. Why? Viewing figures for the celebrity one dropped like an express lift. Give it a rest.