Weary clichés blight Van man
THE best thing about the original Van Der Valk was the theme tune.
Eye Level was so memorable it topped the charts in 1973 for four weeks – so well done ITV for “modernising” all of the joy out of it.
Have they done the same for the Dutch detective, though? In truth, there was little about Van to ruin. Barry Foster’s Piet VDV was never much cop.
Billed as an “astute observer” he failed to spot his wife Arlette’s head changed three times over four series... and had the charisma of a lost clog.
The real star was Amsterdam, with its picturesque canals and traditional drug dealers and hookers.
All of which still feature, along with pushbike chase scenes and political
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The new, moodier Piet (Marc Warren, inset) is unattached, partial to Tinder and drawn to dodgy dames.
Boxes are dutifully ticked and clichés wearily recycled. Piet’s old sidekick Johnny is now hot lesbian Lucienne (a Van Dyck?). There’s also Job, a stats-obsessed nerd, and a sozzled pathologist.
And more bicycles than the Tour de France.
But the important thing is Warren, who looks like Steve McQueen played by a shagged-out Sting. (Foster was more a sawn-off Jack Regan in a Harpo Marx syrup).
Is he mesmerisingly sexy miserable as sin? You decide. His VDV lacks the subtlety of novelist Nicolas Freeling’s creation. The show felt 30 minutes too long and the “Dutch” cops are all English.
For my guilders, the 1977 Euston Films version was way better. But it’s still less of a washout than ITV’s reboot of Maigret. Why bother calling it Van Der Valk though? Manchester’s got canals, dealers and hookers – how are they coping with social distancing? Those poor women need the advertising. or
DAISY Edgar-Jones, Normal People, right... Sonoya Mizuno, Devs...The Last Kingdom (Netflix)... Jimmy Akingbola, Kate & Koji (ITV Hub).
SUSAN Calman, left, Great British Menu – over-heated, undercooked and sticks in the gullet...Killing Eve – the plot is just killing time...Run – done.
MEN with monobrows. Lazy comics who rely on swearing for laughs – **** s! Wet and wimpy Van Der Valk theme. Piers “Shouty” Morgan – a man driving through life with the horn jammed.