Crime reboot is guilty pleasure
THE Joy of Painting, with Bob Ross (BBC4). DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow parodying classic TV shows. Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics & Men. Scandalous! Thatcher: A Very British Revolution.
TELEVISION today tells you what to wear, what to eat, who to date... it’s like living under the Taliban.
THE Alex Rider finale had more plot holes than Glee. What kid has two school blazers? And how did Tom know which “Alex” to brain with that metal pole? Other than that, it was splendid.
THE best way to enjoy the new Perry Mason is to totally forget the old one.
They’re not just chalk and cheese, they’re chalk and Cheddar Gorge.
Raymond Burr’s Perry was a cleancut, sharp-suited defence attorney whose silver-tongued court room eloquence rarely failed to get justice done.
The only time we see Matthew Rhys’ Perry in court in this edgy HBO reboot is when he’s in the dock himself.
He’s a scruffy, unshaven, hard-up gumshoe detective with a shabby raincoat, a trilby hat and mustard on his tie. Some say Rhys’ version couldn’t lace Burr’s boots. He certainly couldn’t afford them.
His hard-boiled Perry ticks every pulp fiction cliché, including a taste for hard liquor and a sex-life so vigorous his Mexican lover bonks him clean out of the bed. (Note to self: Cancun is nice this time of year).
Yet this seedy, sub-Chandler world has plenty of appeal. Perry’s a war
Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP hero, a survivor of the Battle of Argonne Forest, turned private investigator and reduced to working for crooked movie bosses.
On his first job, he stakes out oversexed film star Chubby Carmichael (possible nicknames: Oliver Hard-on, Fatty Back-scuttle) who is at it with a Hollywood starlet.
Their food-based lust brought new meaning to a fresh cream rinse. Not to mention pulled pork.
Perry is tough, but not tougher than the film studio goons who work him over. He’s fighting a lot of battles at once. “So many windmills, so little time,” remarks Della Street, his secretary-to-be.
The first crime was grotesque – a tot kidnapped, murdered and left with his eyes stitched open.
Mason out-thinks the cops. No surprise. The original Perry was smart as Morse... and several stone heavier.
I’ll happily swig a hipflask or two watching this one grow.
DAS Boot, right (SkyAt)... Margherita Mazzucco, My Brilliant Friend... Issa Rae...Mayans MC finale.
THE Luminaries – not very illuminating...365 Days, left (Netflix) – fifty shades of dross.
ASTROLOGICAL twaddle on The Luminaries. Zoom choirs. The sorry state of Saturday night TV – we have idle entertainers and empty theatres, combine the two and bring us sunshine!