It’s all down Hill for ropey soaps

YOU don’t need a fight to find out if Harry Hill’s World Of TV is as funny as TV Burp was.

It isn’t. The opening show lacked Burp’s irrepressible cartoon energy.

But even so, Harry’s montage of festive soap misery – played over The Wombles’ Wombling Merry Xmas – had me in stitches.

As did Phil Mitchell setting the Queen Vic ablaze to the Tales Of The Unexpected theme tune.

The show was driven by old clips, ranging from spectacular to plain dull.

It seemed odd to feature Crossroads’ Amy Turtle without showing her fluffed lines, or reminding us of the time she was accused of being Russian spy Amelia Turtlovski…

We didn’t even get a glimpse of Benny Hawkins, whose hat was as woolly as his brain. Or motel chef Shughie McFee, who was unseen for three years after producers dismantled the soap’s kitchen set. Harry also

Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP recalled antique innuendos, like “boning the quail”, and Corrie’s Frank Barlow asking son Ken, “How do you expect me to get me tackle out?”

But he missed recent gems like Claudia saying of Ken’s swimming: “He likes to slip in a couple of lengths in the afternoon.” Also, Mary’s joy at “squeezing old plums” and Sally saying of carpets: “There isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t crave a deeper shag.” Similarly we got Mick Carter endlessly snarling “Shut your marf”, but no classic “Woss goin’ on?”, “We gotta tawk” or “Get ahta my pub”. The EastEnders “two teas” montage was sweet, though. Even Welsh soap Pobol Y Cwm got covered, but only so Harry could take the “pisiad” out of the lingo. There’s enough madness in modern soaps to justify a weekly mickey-take show. Or at least an episode apiece. Medical melodramas go under Harry’s scalpel tonight.