‘I’malwaysmistaken forRobBrydon’
Funnyman Ben Miller chats lockdown luxury and his latest venture...
Ben Miller might be best known to most of us for his hilarious antics in the hit series The Armstrong And Miller Show, as well as his roles in Death In Paradise and Johnny English. But these days, Ben, 54, is most likely to be found with a pen in hand working on his children’s books, which are based on his two younger children, Harrison, nine, and Lana, five.
Having just spent an amazing four months of lockdown in the balmy mountains of Morocco with his wife Jessica, Ben – who’s also dad to Sonny, 14, from his first marriage – is now back on home soil and looking for inspiration for his next project.
Here, the star talks about facing his fears and his greatest weakness...
Hi Ben! You’ve been busy writing – have you always loved books?
My parents were English teachers and we read lots of books at home. I was encouraged to read everything and anything. The habit stayed with me and I’m really grateful for it.
Do you have any hidden talents?
Why yes, I am the Rain Man of luggage. I can look at any pile of items and know exactly what will fit in our car boot, and how to arrange it. Someone will bring out one more bag and I’ll say, “No, that won’t fit!”
Is there anything you’d change about yourself?
It’s great being an actor – we’re all short! So you’re with the one-eyed man in the valley of the blind, but in a normal world, I’d like to be taller.
What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
I played the Sheriff of Nottingham in an episode of Doctor Who. They
wanted to do this shot where I fell down a well. They attached me to a harness and winched me to the top of the enormous studio hangar. They dropped me backwards in free fall and caught me before I hit the crash mat. And of course they didn’t do it once, it was five or six times. I remember the director saying, “That was great, Ben. We really like the way you’re playing terror.” That was not terror. I was being as brave as I possibly could!
What’s your greatest weakness?
Banoffee pie. I’m a fool for it. I dream about it, I have nightmares about it. It’s been a constant companion throughout my adult life. I was lucky to be alive when it was invented. If I’d been born in a different century, I’d have perished by now.
Do you remember your first kiss?
It was with a girl called Helen Lithgoe and it was a catastrophe. We were in the book corner at primary school. Somehow, her hair got caught in an aquarium on the windowsill and as I kissed her and she sank down the wall – I presumed in utter bliss – it toppled down and all the water poured down her face. I remember her hair being full of this green weed.
Who would play you in a film?
It’s got to be Rob Brydon. Part of my life story would be me always being mistaken for Rob so to have him play me would be very satisfying.
What’s your favourite TV show?
Criminal on Netflix. If anybody is reading this and they haven’t seen it, please finish this article then go and watch it immediately. It’s all set in an interrogation room and it’s the most filmic thing you’ll ever see. The acting is so fantastic and the stories constantly twist.You can never guess the endings.
What’s been the best day of your life?
The day I found out I’d got into Cambridge was amazing. I was going to study Physics and it changed my life, but not in the ways I was expecting. I learned that, no matter their background, all of my peers were just as nervous and vulnerable as I was. Unless you experience that privilege, you don’t realise that there is no such thing as privilege.
It’s the end of the world – what would you do?
‘To have Rob Brydon play meinafilm would be very satisfying’
I’d probably run around, scream, fight and smash shop windows. I’d feel really silly if the world didn’t end. I’d riot – I’ve never done anything like that in my life. I’d be a careful rioter, being mindful of health and safety before smashing windows.
How did you get into writing these children’s stories?
I found this wonderful world thanks to my children. I wrote a Christmas story for my eldest and it got published. Then the pressure was on to write one for my middle son. This one is for my daughter, Lana. Pre-teen fiction is the best antidote to anything. This age group want things to be crazy. The crazier you are, the happier they are.
by Ben Miller is out now (Hardback, Simon & Schuster)