My secret career as chop star
AMONG the usual miserable doom and gloom, one news story caught my eye this week.
A man was arrested suspected of illegally hacking down 35 trees outside celebrities’ homes at night.
Trees were felled with a chainsaw during a 10-day spree in a posh part of Surrey.
The obvious question is how anyone could think they were going to get away with so much wood.
Unless they got paranoid and burned the evidence.
Felling is a tough job, so whoever did it must really need that timber. I’m stumped.
As you know by now, I did many jobs before I drifted into showbiz. And yes, you guessed it, I did time as a lumberjack.
I was actually pretty good at it. I cut down 3,572 trees. Obviously, I always kept a log.
So I wasn’t at all surprised when I got promoted and was finally made up to branch manager.
The phantom lumberjack wasn’t the only one making news this week.
Legendary storyteller Roald Dahl has somehow been dragged into a row over trees too.
Jones’ Hill Wood, near Wendover in Buckinghamshire, is said to have inspired the children’s author but is under threat because of the HS2 rail link.
Roald told how he wrote Fantastic Mr Fox about the pretty copse. Now, I’m no
eco warrior but it seems to me that we shouldn’t have to always erase the past to make way for the future.
We all saw in Back To The Future how Marty McFly changed the course of history by knocking down a tree!
Speaking of that fab film, in today’s paper you can read about a man with his very own DeLorean.
It’s in full working order and he uses it from time to time.
I actually bought my own time machine next Sunday.
They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore!