A note to Zoom it may concern

TOMORROW being November 1 is supposedly the day when many of us will be returning to the workplace for the first time in more than 20 months.

There will be some of you reading this now who have started a new job during the pandemic and will subsequently be meeting your colleagues face-to-face for the first time, because up until now you will have only seen their faces via a Zoom call.

Imagine the comments when you finally meet in person, like, “Gosh, you’re so much taller than you look on Zoom” and, “You have great legs... well, legs anyway”.

If, however, you’re still working from home, I have your November 1 Zoom meeting schedule here for you.

You’ll no doubt start your day tomorrow in a “pinch and a punch must do lunch” firstday-of-the-month type way. Then you’ll stare at the words “Waiting for the host to start the meeting”, closely followed by your group discovering and experimenting with various virtual backgrounds.

Just for fun you settle for the one where your face is embedded on to a potato, but then you realise you can’t change it back. Someone will then struggle with their mic and start miming and gesticulating wildly on screen. And 35 minutes later, while still miming, everyone holds their cats and dogs up for all to see. It’s only when you’re just about to start the actual meeting that the organiser, who is just registered on a free tier deal, points out that time is up and they’ll have to reschedule. From my experience, the cut-off point feature is the single greatest advance to meeting productivity ever. Ironically, I’d actually pay for this feature as opposed to paying for a pro account that gives you unlimited time. Makes it easier to dash off and grab another latte, right?