Inside legover measurement

SHOULD women judge men by the shorts they wear?

“No,” insisted Indiyah on Love Island. “It’s what’s inside that counts.” Dirty girl.

So far none of this year’s beauties has found out what’s inside the blokes’ shorts, but decorum shot out the traps quicker than Ekin-Su did.

Moments after he was paired with paramedic Paige, Luca Bish asked her: “What’s your favourite sex position?” You don’t get that on Bridgerton.

Unabashed, Paige replied: “The broken eagle.” Which prompted older viewers to consult Google and discover it’s where a woman lies on her front with one leg bent and lets the bloke do all the work – sort of collapsed doggy.

Bish, who sells fish, claimed his favourite was “summat oyster”.

Hmm, Venice Oyster? That’s best experienced with a professional athlete. Maybe he just meant you slurp away from the wide end.

Half-Italian Luca was the early favourite – Paige was all “giggly and giddy” over him. But he was upstaged by full-Italian gym Adonis Davide, sent in to split up the couples.

“You’re happy I entered?” Davide asked Gemma seductively. I must have missed that bit.

He picked her – bad news for gutted Liam, who later quit. Not that she’d have gone for him. Gemma, 19, Michael Owen’s daughter, owns 12 horses. It’s unlikely his student loan would’ve turned her head.

Love Island is all about those three Fs – fun, flirting and f…ifty grand prize money. Anyone in it for romance will get screwed – and not in a good way.

To win, just find someone tolerable and hang on before Wreakin-Su swoops.

WHO announced “I do love a shag” this week? Was it a) Tasha, Love Island b) Megan McCubbin, Springwatch c) Boris Johnson d) probably all of them?

DAMI claimed to have “a birthmarkshaped heart on my penis”, not to be confused with a heart-shaped birthmark.