I HAD a very unhappy childhood.
My mother adored my brother but hated me. Whenever he did anything wrong, I got beaten.
Once she burned my toys because my brother, who is two years younger than me, had played with – and ruined – her make-up.
Apparently I should have stopped him.
Looking back, I have a feeling that the man I called “dad” wasn’t my father.
I suspect my mother had a fling with another man and was ashamed of me. My parents divorced when I was 12.
Now my mother is back from 10 years in America and wants us all to be one big, happy family.
Her new husband is lovely, but she’s acting like the past never happened. My brother and I have asked her for a chat about our feelings, but she refuses to sit down with us. JANE SAYS: I can perfectly understand your mother wanting to reinvent herself and present a respectable image to the world, but, clearly, the past needs to be addressed.
Speak to your brother and contrive to get her on her own again. Make it clear that you’re not being difficult or overly sensitive, but you do need to hear the truth.
Why was she so cold and cruel towards you? Who is your real father and what other skeletons are lurking in her closet?
Make it clear that none of you can move on until you hear the full story. He’s run off with your best friend and is hiding away like a pathetic wimp.
You and he spent five significant years together. Maybe you and he didn’t have the most perfect relationship in the world, but who actually does?
But there are grown-up ways of doing things and sneaking off with your ex-best friend behind your back simply isn’t one of them…
At the moment you seem to be railing against her, but he’s the one you were in a committed relationship with. If he can’t bring MY ex-partner is angry and making all sort of threats simply because I refuse to have sex with her whenever I drop our children back at her house.
We broke up last September after I fell in love with a colleague.
But my ex simply will not accept that I no longer want her and have moved on.
She openly says that she still adores me and wants me in her bed.
I suspect she feels she can lure me back, but I don’t want to sleep with her anymore.
She’s sexually frustrated and, hisses that I’m the “obvious” person to satisfy her needs.
When I turn her down, she accuses me of being cruel and things get nasty.
Of course there will always be an attraction between us, but why won’t she respect my new life? JANE SAYS: Your expartner may well be frustrated and angry, but, after nine months apart, she has to accept that you and she are no longer an item.
She has no right to embarrass and pester you in this way.
What part of “ex” doesn’t she understand?
You need to warn her that you’re not interested in sleeping with her again – and never will be. It’s over.
Basically she has to understand that she no longer has any claim on you.
Don’t allow her to control you or wear you down, because it’s vital that you maintain a civil and mutually respectful relationship for the sake of your children.
Maybe you should ask a family member to accompany you on future pick-ups?
Would Family Mediation (familymediationcouncil. org.uk) or Relate (relate. org.uk be able to help?