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MY ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. We were both devastated and I honestly thought we’d eventually get back together again.
Only she’s already changed her social media profile. Evidently she has a new boyfriend.
She’s posting to her friends telling them how happy she is.
She boasts that she will marry this man and all her friends are so happy for her. Is this to spite me? I realise that she’s already introduced her young child to this new guy after only a week of knowing him, which I find very irresponsible of her.
She can hardly know this man (they met on the internet) and I still feel very protective towards my ex and her young daughter.
I’M so unpopular and so unlucky in love that I’m seriously considering giving up on relationships and simply paying for sex in future.
Maybe that makes me sound like a loser, but I’ve had my heart broken – and my bank account raided – so badly by my last three partners, that I’m struggling to like or trust anyone right now.
Six years ago I was jilted just 24 hours before my wedding. My bride-to-be confessed that she was secretly in love with another woman and that she’d never actually liked me.
That revelation cost me £15,000 in lost meals, flowers and a honeymoon to Thailand.
Ashamed
Then my next lover ran off with my car and the contents of my bank account after I discovered that she was a compulsive liar.
I was too ashamed to tell the police. Instead, I told my family that she had died in a freak horse riding accident, only for my mother to bump into her on a beach in Spain.
This led to a rift with my mother, who berated me for coming up with such a wicked lie!
In 2014 I finally allowed myself to love again when I met my last lover. I told her my life story and she reassured me that she was different – that she was loving, honest and true.
Like an idiot I believed her. But all she wanted me for was my sperm. As soon as she became pregnant she went back to her infertile ex-boyfriend and now they’re bringing up my child together – while I pay the bills.
Again, embarrassment and humiliation prevent me from making a fuss. I’m alone, bitter and hurt.
I crave affection and reluctantly conclude the only “safe sex” for me must come from a professional and emotionally-detached working girl. Do you agree?
JANE SAYS: You feel dejected and numb, but you have to accept that the relationship is over and let your ex go.
Yes, she does seem to have found a new love rather quickly, but these things happen.
Of course you miss her and worry about her child, but if you’re not the father of that child then I fear you have few, if any, rights.
Speak to a solicitor or social services if you genuinely feel the child is in danger, but beyond that you need to leave social media alone and put yourself first.
It’s always confusing and hard when a long-term relationship breaks up, but what you can’t do is allow this to drag you down.
You owe it to yourself to cry your eyes out and then come back. JANE SAYS: No I don’t agree and I can’t possibly recommend you start spending your money on sex workers. I urge you to step back, calm down and just take stock.
You’re not thinking straight and feelings are running high. You are hurt and quite rightly upset after being so badly used.
Maybe you have been too trusting and not a great judge of character in the past, but nothing gave any of your ex-partners the right to treat you so shabbily.
Your biggest crime has actually been being too kind and too generous along the way.
Maybe you need to resolve to toughen up and start treating future partners like adults and not indulged children? A recurring theme in your note is your pride.
You feel embarrassed and ashamed if anything goes wrong. Then you try and hide the truth.
Why? The mother of your child can’t be allowed to bully you. You have a right to see and be involved in that child’s life.
Go to the police if you’ve been defrauded and speak to a solicitor about gaining access to the baby.
Come clean with your family about everything you’re going through and fight back.
Ultimately you have to start learning from your mistakes.