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MY daughter-in-law never stops moaning about how tough her life is.
She complains that her flat needs decorating, is too small and that her children don’t have the latest gear.
She’s angry my son doesn’t earn more. I often childmind for her for free, yet still she whinges.
When I was her age I was putting in 10 hours day at my father’s factory.
I hardly ever saw my children, who were brought up by my aunt.
To listen to her droning on about her “terrible luck” makes my blood boil.
But I’m too scared to slap her down in case we row and I’m stopped from seeing the kids.
I’M disappointed with my girlfriend’s looks.
Now that she’s here, living in my house, I realise that she looks nothing like the photograph she sent me.
We met online a year and a half ago. For the first months we simply chatted. She told me that she was shy and I respected that.
Finally, after much begging, she agreed to send me a headshot of herself.
She looked gorgeous and I fell in love with her beautiful hair and deep, penetrating eyes.
Naturally I then kept nagging for a full-body photo – maybe something in a bikini or even topless – only she said that modesty forbade her from doing that.
Older
To cut a very long story short, I sent her a large sum of money last March and she arrived here a few weeks ago.
But I don’t honestly believe that she is the person in the photo.
Far from being fresh-faced and innocent, she’s much older than I expected and looks like she’s had about six kids.
To make things even more complicated, her sister has just turned up out of the blue (this was never discussed) and is now living with us too.
The pair of them are always on at me for money and want to know when I’m going to pay for a big wedding. I feel such an idiot.
I fear I’ve been duped. And, on top of everything else, sex with her isn’t much cop either.
She doesn’t want to do anything exciting and calls me a “dirty man” whenever I suggest oral sex or different positions.
The other day she asked me to hand over £500 to send to her mother who, apparently, requires an urgent operation.
When I refused she started screaming that I’m a pervert and a creep and the neighbours knocked on the door to ask me if I was OK.
I feel so trapped and so ashamed. How could I have been so stupid?
JANE SAYS: Like a lot of doting grandparents you’re in an unfortunate position.
I know it’s tough, but I think you’re right to hold your tongue.
Clearly you love your son and grandchildren, but your daughter-inlaw is a trial.
I suggest you let her rant all she likes and turn a deaf ear. If you do row with her, then your son will feel obliged to take her side.
You might say some things that cut her to the core and you may not be able to come back from that.
Concentrate on giving your grandchildren all the love you can because they’ll be grown up before any of you know it.
It could be that your daughter-in-law is one of those people who will never be happy as long as they’ve got a nose on their face. JANE SAYS: You have to end this farce right now.
If the woman living in your house is not someone you either like or respect, then she has to be told to leave. Tell her today that this arrangement isn’t working out.
Tell her that you don’t believe she is the woman in the picture and you resent supporting her sister when things are moving way too fast for your liking.
Clearly she is a forceful individual with a strong personality, but you can’t go ahead with a new life if you don’t know or love her.
I suspect your girlfriend deliberately sent a glamorous picture to hook and seduce you.
Whether it was one of her taken years ago, or simply the image of someone else she found online, the fact is that she set out to trick you. Now you’ve got to stand your ground before she totally engulfs you.
Make it clear that you won’t be intimidated or bullied, because you will go to the police and set the appropriate wheels in motion.
It could be that you’ll have to give her some money for her (and her sister’s) fare back home, but it sounds like it would be worth the investment.
Please stop beating yourself up, but do learn from this.