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MY 21-year old grandson has come out as a gay man.
I love him and am so proud he’s found the courage to declare: “This is me.”
Unfortunately my son, his uncle, doesn’t agree. He’s had several rows with my daughter (the lad’s mum) during which he’s called her a disgrace and a lousy mother.
He says this is all her fault for overindulging and molly-coddling him.
I love my son, but I can’t respect his horrible attitude.
My daughter is terribly upset.
Meanwhile, my grandson is blaming himself for ripping the family apart.
MY slutty mother disgusts me. I can’t believe the loose, selfish way she lives her life.
For the past 10 years I’ve been living with my nan 50 miles away.
My nan sadly died just before Christmas and now I’m back home in my old bedroom.
Only my mum has become even crazier and more selfish since I’ve been away.
I’m 22 now and working for a well-known supermarket chain.
My hours are flexible and that suits me fine because I come and go at all sort of times.
But when I do find myself alone with my mum, I fail to understand the woman in front of me.
Squeals
Despite having a new, much younger boyfriend, she still seems to be sleeping with her old boss (a married man) and loads of guys from the pub and her gym.
She thinks this is fantastic and is proud of the number of casual acquaintances she calls “lover”.
More than once I’ve come home to squeals and yelps coming out of her bedroom.
Thank goodness for headphones is all I can say.
The latest thing is that she’s talking about getting pregnant with her toyboy.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my mother. But she’s never been the easiest of people. Not only is she stubborn and selfish, but she’s horrendously vain and thinks the world revolves around her.
To think that she now wants to have a baby would be laughable if it wasn’t so tragic. The fact is that she didn’t even raise me herself – my grandparents did that.
I’ve tried to reason with her, but her last reply was: “If you keep upsetting me, then you will have to find somewhere new to live, because you’re crushing my dream.”
What am I supposed to say to that?
JANE SAYS: Your grandson needs support and reassurance. I worry that he’s vulnerable right now.
You and your daughter need to tell him that his uncle is the one with the problem.
Throw a ring of love around him. Let him know that he can talk to either of you at any time and volunteers at The Switchboard (0300 330 0630) will always be there to chat too.
Sadly, your son has taken it upon himself to speak out on a matter that’s nothing to do with him. Make it clear that you refuse to judge anyone, but would appreciate it if a conversation could take place (perhaps in your house) so that bridges can be built.
This doesn’t have to take place straight away, but you’d like to believe that reconciliation is possible and that there is hope for the future. JANE SAYS: Your mother is clearly a very tough, resilient woman.
She lives her life her way and doesn’t really care for rules or the normal way things are done. I suggest you back off and leave her to live her own life while you concentrate on living yours.
I understand your concern, but it’s not for you to get in the way.
You’ve said your piece and your mother has given you her reply. Now you need to let this go.
Who knows, maybe she will manage to get pregnant and will prove to be a marvellous mother the second time around?
Maybe she was simply too young and too distracted when she had you?
As for her young man, I strongly urge you to not make an enemy of him, because you need this roof over your head.
You may not approve, but if she’s smitten and thinks he can do no wrong, then I fear that you’d be the loser in any future battles.
As you say yourself, your mother is a headstrong woman and a character.
Remember that she’s survived pretty well up until now and is obviously a fighter.
Maybe you need to make it your role to support, love and guide any new brothers or sisters who join the family in the years to come.