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MY brother has had a massive bust-up with our aunt – the woman who brought us up after our mother died in 2000.
Apparently, my poor aunt dared to answer back when his horrible partner was rude to her.
I have every sympathy for my aunt, because this creature has been verbally aggressive towards me.
Once she made me cry so hard that my boyfriend thought I was having a fit.
My brother insisted that I never speak to my aunt again. When I said I wouldn’t do that he told me it was “him or her”.
My aunt is desperately upset and even our dad, who usually ducks out of any arguments involving my brother, has said he’s gone too far this time. What must I do?
EVERY time I make love to my girlfriend I’m terrified her ex-partner is listening in.
This is beginning to seriously affect my performance.
The problem is that she and her ex still own a flat that they just can’t sell.
It’s been on the market for over a year, but no buyer can be found.
Therefore, whenever I stay over at hers, her ex is inevitably lurking in the background.
He’s a nice enough bloke, but the walls of the flat are thin. If I can hear him coughing and sneezing, then I’m pretty sure that he can hear me humping away.
Squeeze
There’s only one bedroom, so he has the front room while she has the bedroom. But his clothes are still in the only wardrobe and more than once he’s barged in to get a shirt or a pair of pants while I’ve been on the job. It is so awkward and embarrassing.
The latest thing is that he’s got himself a new squeeze (things are very amicable between him and my girl).
I haven’t met her yet, but he’s told my girlfriend that he’d like her to consider “bed-sharing” in future.
He doesn’t feel his new lover will appreciate sex on the settee, so he’s proposing a rota – one week he gets the bed, the next week my girl has it.
He promises that he’ll happily change the sheets after his turn, but as he pays half the mortgage feels this is only fair.
I’m so grossed out I can hardly think. Sadly, it’s difficult for my girl to stay at my place very often because I live miles away and getting to her job each morning (for a 7am start) involves two buses and a train.
Things are just about OK between us at the moment, but I know she gets frustrated when her ex-bloke is watching porn in the next room and I fail to rise to the occasion.
JANE SAYS: You cannot allow your brother, or his vile partner, to push you around.
It sounds as if your brother and his harridan have been throwing their weight around for too long.
Now your caring aunt has dared to answer back and she’s being shot down in flames.
Tell your brother that you’re all adults and you refuse to take sides.
Point out that his partner can be insensitive at times, but you’ve always chosen to turn the other cheek.
How come she can dish it out but can’t take it back? What about everything your aunt has done for him?
Why can’t everyone get together and talk this through? JANE SAYS: This living arrangement is far from ideal and I commend you all for keeping your cool – thus far. Unfortunately, lots of estranged couples currently find themselves still living together because they can’t afford to move. Times are hard.
If the flat isn’t selling, then clearly a new approach is required.
Do they need to clear up, de-clutter or decorate? Is the estate agent actually pushing it or does someone new need to be appointed and fresh photographs taken?
Then, of course, there’s the price. If they have unrealistic expectations regarding what it’s actually worth, then this situation is never going to be resolved.
Talk to them both and offer to help push a sale along – especially now that spring is near.
As for them sharing the bed, it’s their property and they must do whatever they feel is right.
I admit that it’s not an ideal situation as far as you’re concerned, but it’s not your place, is it?
If you like your girl and see yourself sticking with her, then grit your teeth and get through this difficult period.
Surely this compromise won’t last forever, then you can move on and make love in an environment without her ex blundering around in the next room.