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I’VE had sex with a guy from work loads of times but I’m still not sure if I’m his proper girlfriend.
I first met him last summer and we hit it off straight away.
Now we hook up after office parties and leaving dos.
We have a drink and a laugh and then he comes back here where he invariably spends the night, but he’s never actually “asked me out”.
People are always asking me if he’s my boyfriend but I don’t really know if he is. I don’t think he sleeps with anyone else and I certainly don’t.
It frustrates me that I don’t actually know where I stand.
The other Saturday we spent the whole day together like a real couple. Friends say that I should ask him out, but what if he turns me down?
MY girlfriend is attempting to lure me into having a child I don’t want.
I’m not interested in becoming a father. I told her that the very first time we met.
My own parents were absolutely useless and I had a horrible childhood. They were madly in love and interested only in each other.
I had to get my own food from the earliest age and I was walking to school on my own at six.
If it hadn’t been for the woman next door I would never have had clean clothes or a hot meal.
Clear
Every few months my parents would take off on holiday and leave me completely on my own – they didn’t even tell me when they were going.
Eventually social services became involved and I lived with an aunt until I went into the services at 18.
Now my selfish folks live in Spain and I can’t remember the last time we spoke, which suits me just fine.
My girlfriend told me she couldn’t have kids – now she’s pregnant and I don’t want it.
I met her three years ago through work. The first thing I did was tell her about my nightmarish early years and I made it clear I wasn’t interested in having any children of my own.
She swore that she understood where was I coming from and added that I didn’t have to worry about her because she wasn’t able to have children due to complicated gynaecological problems.
Well, guess what? She’s now announced she’s 12 weeks’ pregnant and is definitely keeping the child.
I keep telling her I want her to have a termination – that it’s the baby or me – and she says I’ll come round in the end. I won’t.
How do I convince her that I’m absolutely serious about this?
JANE SAYS: Stop messing about and start being proactive.
Pick your moment and tell this fella you’d like to establish just what you mean to each other.
Are you now a couple? Are you in a committed and exclusive relationship?
Simply be honest and explain that you need to know where you stand because that’s the kind of person you are.
If he is seeing (or sleeping with) other people, then is he prepared to drop them in favour of you?
Sadly, if he can’t give you the assurances you crave, you’ll have to tell him that you’re not prepared to carry on in this casual fashion.
What you can’t do is allow yourself to be used or become a figure of gossip or fun. JANE SAYS: I strongly urge you to calm down and not make any vows or declarations that you may come to regret later.
I completely get it that you feel shocked right now. Of course you’re angry that you had such a horrible childhood, but you may feel different once your own child is born.
You may wish to nurture and protect it in a way your parents never did.
All I’m saying is keep an open mind and never say never.
The reality is that you loathed your parents for being so neglectful. They made no effort for you and that was terrible.
But they’re out of your life now. Are you going to allow them to spoil your future too?
You might be a natural father for all you know and don’t forget that the child is half of you. Ultimately, you and your girl may not go the distance (that’s a possibility every relationship faces), but you will be expected to make a financial contribution to your child’s life.
It would be wonderful if you could find it in your heart to make an emotional one too.
In some ways you may feel your girl has tricked or duped you into this, but you have to remember it’s not the baby’s fault that it’s being born.
Keep talking and don’t allow pride or fear to hold you back from this next stage of your life.