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MY oldest mate has an endless stream of useless blokes in and out of her life.
Some have been abusive and violent. I already fear that her kids have seen and heard too much.
Both her boys (13 and 15) are disruptive and aggressive and I can no longer have them in my house.
My mate constantly makes excuses for her sons’ behaviour and her own.
She accuses ME of being uncharitable for not helping them more (i.e. not giving them money).
She will not accept that she frequently makes bad choices – and that infuriates me. In her mind, everything bad that happens is someone else’s fault. How can that be?
MY mother is a fantasist and a liar.
That may sound harsh coming from a son, but I’m seriously struggling to respect the manipulative, devious specimen I see before me.
I am due to marry the love of my life in June. But my amazing fiancée has already decided that she hates my mum’s guts – and with good reason.
Putting this wedding together has made us realise just what a greedy, vain piece of work she is.
She is not giving us any money, yet expects to be centre stage for the whole day.
Confessed
She has emailed over a massive list of all the guests she wants to invite (most of whom we don’t know) and is attempting to control what we eat and drink and how we run the reception.
She even claims that she is bringing my real father along as “a surprise”.
I have never met the man and strongly suspect this is another of her cruel games.
When I was a child, I was brought up to believe that my father was a military hero.
But my grandmother finally confessed that he was probably someone she met during a sex party in the countryside.
I used to believe that she was a glamorous model, but the truth is that she was a common call girl for most of my childhood and the various rich “uncles” who came through our flat were nothing more than sleazy clients.
I am increasingly losing my patience with her, especially as I’m now working and she has started asking me for loans.
The other night she rang up in panic. A “friend” was in terrible trouble. Could I help out?
I said “no” and she called me a “stuck-up prig” before slamming the phone down.
The next day she boasted that she was about to inherit a large sum from an old lover and that I’m now not going to get a penny. All complete rubbish. How am I supposed to maintain any sort of relationship with her when the respect has gone?
JANE SAYS: The reality is that you have your own life to lead. Your family must be your main priority.
It’s extremely sad that your friend doesn’t learn from her mistakes and continues to condemn her boys to a life of unpredictability and unhappiness.
Children sense a bad atmosphere. They get frightened and feel insecure.
Their bad behaviour is a direct result of the horrors they witnessed.
You can’t allow yourself or your own to be dragged down, or intimidated.
Tell your mate you both need a break from this friendship, because feelings are at boiling point.
Then really think about the kind of life you want to live. I feel some serious weeding is long overdue… JANE SAYS: Don’t allow your haphazard mother to spoil this exciting period of your life. You’re about to marry an amazing girl and you’re calling the shots.
Yes, your mother is frustrating and even infuriating, but you’ve made it all this way in one piece and you haven’t been too damaged or harmed along the way. Today you’re a successful adult.
You’re earning your own money and have your own life. You are also mature and smart enough to see your mother for the fragile, unorthodox person she is.
If it is any consolation, a lot of people have it a lot worse. Sadly, your mother is not perfect, but then who is?
Just stay strong, treat her with respect and be ready for her if she comes after you again for money.
Have the wedding, the guest list and the food you want and tell your mother that this isn’t about her. You have to step up to the plate and show your wife-to-be and all of your family that a new era begins now.
Your mother can have her fun, but you don’t play her games and never will. I can’t believe that her lies make her happy.