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I’M crazy about a girl at work. The problem is that she already has a boyfriend.
I know the bloke and he’s OK. I’m not the kind of guy to mess with another man’s girl, but that doesn’t stop me from fancying her and thinking about her.
Also, my family are very old-fashioned. I know they wouldn’t approve of us being together.
My friends believe I should take her out and have sex with her just to get her out of my head.
But I believe that a relationship should come first. They all insist she’s been around a bit and has a bit of a reputation.
That doesn’t bother me as I’ve had a few girls in my time.
Where do I take things from here?
BEING told I was useless as a child has ruined my adulthood.
While other guys I know are confident and go-getting, I doubt myself every minute of every day.
I constantly tell myself that I’m not good looking, clever or worthy enough.
But how is anyone ever going to promote, love or believe in me when I don’t even believe in myself ?
My parents mostly ignored me and I was badly picked on by a teacher when I was in school.
He singled me out and constantly told me that I was stupid and would never amount to anything.
Boring
Unfortunately he was my form tutor for the whole of the five years I was in secondary school and he has scarred me for life.
He never once gave me a good mark or a single helpful word of encouragement.
Classmates urged me to tell my mother. They felt that she should make a formal complaint to the head teacher, but she always told me to go away and not bother her with “silly school squabbles”.
Meanwhile, the reason my parents were so distant was because they had an open marriage.
Both were having scandalous affairs with other people. They were both so obsessed with their various lovers that they didn’t have time for boring old me.
They died in a car crash in 2009 without leaving me a penny. As a consequence, I have been left with strong feelings of insecurity and inadequacy all my life. Bosses and colleagues have bullied me and I’ve been in several abusive relationships.
Now an older woman at my work keeps telling me that I should finally make something of my life. She says that I’m cleverer than I think and that I could make manager material.
But who is ever going to respect someone like me?
JANE SAYS: Slow down there, cowboy. If your work colleague already has a boyfriend, then she’s out of bounds.
I don’t care what pearls of wisdom your mates are dispensing, you can’t go there.
I understand you find this girl attractive but we can’t always get what we want.
You need to show her respect by backing off – and showing your professionalism by getting on with your work without being distracted. Give yourself some time.
Hopefully the right girl will come along soon – someone who is free and who ticks all of your particular boxes.
In the meantime, enjoy your freedom and your youth – and always practise safe sex by using a condom.
Keep a pack in your wallet at all times. JANE SAYS:Your caring colleague is absolutely right, you can be anything you want to be.
You owe it to yourself to rise up and grab your life by the throat. For too many years you’ve lived in the shadow of your bullying teacher and your selfish parents.
Those adults let you down and sapped you of your confidence. Instead of protecting you and nurturing your self-worth they focused on their own needs and prejudices.
But your parents and your nasty teacher have all gone now and you still have your best years ahead of you.
Ask your colleague for all the support and guidance she can spare you and finally be the person you want to be. Do your research. Work out which subject you’d like to study and where you would like to go and make it happen.
For instance, students with the Open University don’t need any formal qualifications in order to join a course.
Whatever happens, don’t you dare feel guilty for setting yourself some personal goals and don’t let anyone hold you back.
Do visit your GP, though, if you feel that you would benefit from counselling regarding your previous experiences.