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LAST year I left my wife for another woman – a colleague and someone I loved very much.
I only returned home because my wife promised there would be some serious changes and improvements in our sex life. She swore she’d be more willing to try different positions and hinted at role-playing games.
Well, I’ve been here now several weeks and she’s still as cold and frigid as ever.
I feel terrible, as I know I broke my lover’s heart when I abandoned her.
People are telling me she had a breakdown, which breaks my heart.
Must I leave home again in order to find sexual fulfilment? And do you think I could ask my lover to take me back?
MY girl and I are out of control.
Our party lifestyle is taking its toll and we don’t know who we are any more.
We both agree we’re drinking too much, partying too hard and sleeping around too much, but breaking our bad habits is proving almost impossible.
The problem is that we’re in with a number of people who won’t take “no” for an answer.
From my mates and some of her colleagues to the people we houseshare with, we’re surrounded by a wild crowd – and they all come to us for their kicks.
Our three rooms are party central but we live in chaos because we’re always too stoned or exhausted to tidy up.
Mad
We’re still managing to earn some money but have no spare cash because we’re spending it all on our hedonistic lifestyle.
The couples we swing with insist that we honour promises to visit them.
“Friends” who organise exclusive sex parties won’t allow us to say “no” when it comes to coughing up for expensive tickets.
It’s like we’re on a mad merrygo-round – one that I’m desperate to get off.
I’m an ordinary bloke, I just don’t understand how I’ve managed to get myself in so deep, so quickly.
I’m not putting any blame on her but my girlfriend is definitely more resilient than I am. She seems to cope slightly better with the madness, but I’m cracking up here. Recently, halfway through a party, I had a moment of clarity.
I was pretending to enjoy myself. But then I looked up and saw my girlfriend having sex with another couple and I just thought to myself: “How did I get here?” Where do we go from here?
JANE SAYS: It’s vital that you conduct an honest and truthful conversation about the state of your sex life away from the bedroom.
You have to describe how disappointed you feel. Your wife has to understand you feel you’ve been duped.
In return, she needs to open up about her problems with sex too.
Has she suffered trauma or abuse in the past? Would she visit a sex therapist with you? Be calm and reasonable but make it clear this relationship has no future unless you meet each other halfway in a bid to fix the physical side of things.
As for your ex-lover, I beg you to tread very carefully because she is vulnerable.You can’t simply use her as your back-up plan – that would be very unfair. JANE SAYS: You can’t allow other people to run your lives. Would it bother you if you never saw any of these “friends” again?
You can get off this joyride any time you like. Tell your girlfriend that you’re no longer having fun.
The relationship has turned into a nightmare. The excessive drinking, partying and sleeping around were fun once upon a time. Now they’re sleazy and exhausting.
You’ve lost all respect for yourself and the life you’re living.
No-one can burn the candle at both ends forever without eventually going into meltdown – and you’re almost there.
Talk to her, when you’re both sober, and tell her that you can’t, and won’t, go on. All of this has to end now.
Sadly, if the relationship is nothing without your other lovers and excessive consumption, then you’ll have to accept that and part.
You’ve been honest and brave enough to flag up your misery – now is she with you, or is she going to carry on regardless?
Whatever happens, you’ve got to vow to be your own person and do what you know to be right. It’s not your job to host the party for every other hanger-on in town.
Would it actually bother you if you never saw any of these thrillseeking friends again? No, I thought not.
Now have a good old clear out – in all areas of your life.