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I’VE discovered my cheating wife has a second mobile phone.
This is the one she uses to conduct her affair with her long-term on/off lover. She first started sleeping with this moron in 2010.
I asked her to dump him and she swore she would, but she’s let me down.
One minute she tells me that he’s moved to America, then I spot him in town and I realise that they’re back in touch again.
She also keeps taking money out of our joint account for weekends away and nights out.
MY daughter is the devil in human form.
She’s in her late thirties, yet still unbelievably selfish and unreasonable.
And she continues to make my life a living hell.
If I’m not giving her money, looking after her children or sorting out rows with her neighbours, then I’m driving miles to pick her up and get her out of yet another scrape.
She’s had dozens of lovers and boyfriends over the years.
The only decent one was the father of her two sons – now 13 and 15. He’s a good man who does his best for his boys, but she’s absolutely horrible to him.
Loan
Our problem is that she knows how much my husband and I adore and worry about our grandsons. They are our world – and we feel she takes advantage of this.
If we dare to complain about how much she imposes on us, or if we refuse her another loan or suggest she sorts her life out, then she holds us to ransom. Suddenly we can’t see our precious grandsons at all. We’re banished and our calls are ignored.
There’s no doubt that we’ll only be readmitted into their lives if we grovel and tell her that she was right all along – plus give her a large injection of cash.
To date, I calculate she’s had at least £20,000 from us.
At the moment I’m terrified because I can feel a storm brewing.
My husband wants to take me to Spain for a fortnight for our wedding anniversary. I know she’ll go crazy and accuse me of being selfish and abandoning her because she’s planning to go to a music festival at the same time.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It feels like we’re living our lives on a knife-edge.
JANE SAYS: Your wife can’t have the best of both worlds.
She can’t enjoy stability and loyalty from you while sleeping with another man.
From a secret phone to dipping into your joint savings, she’s pushing her luck to the limit.
Back in 2010, when you first found out about her affair, she promised to end it.
It’s now seven years on and she’s still up to her selfish tricks.
Doesn’t she care at all for your reputation or your feelings? How would she feel if you tried to pull a stunt like this?
Some people do manage to conduct open marriages, but if you can’t respect her behaviour, then you have to find a way out for your own sanity.
Get on with the business of sorting out a divorce so that you can both move on.
Whatever happens, you cannot let her bully or intimidate you for a minute longer. JANE SAYS: Your grandchildren need you. They might be teenagers, but they’re still vulnerable and needy.
You and your husband offer them stability and order in a chaotic home. I understand that your daughter is infuriating and seems ungrateful, but I fear she’s got you over a barrel. As she’s never managed to grow up and take full responsibility for herself she needs your support and money.
She may not wish to admit it, but without you she’d really struggle – and the boys might have an even more disjointed life.
Is there any way you can sit down with her and thrash out some basic house rules?
Talk to her about set childminding times and visiting days and make it clear you still have lives to live yourselves and have things that you need to do too. If you could all compromise and work around each other, then life just might run smoother.
But if that’s not possible, perhaps you’ll just have to grit your teeth and hang on until she, and the boys, finally grow up and become more independent.
Speak to the boys’ father regarding looking after them while you’re away. Does he have parents or other relatives who would be willing to support him during your fortnight in Spain?
Ultimately you need a break or you won’t cope. You and your husband deserve some time alone in order to nurture your marriage.