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A GIRL in my town has decided that she’s in love with me.
We’ve never even spoken to each other. I don’t know where she lives or even what her surname is, but she’s totally obsessed.
I’ve done nothing to encourage this, but she sits outside my house for hours on end.
She follows me down the street and just stares at me.
A girl I do know well tells me that this weirdo talks about me all the time.
I feel compromised and trapped.
I’m 23 and this girl is a couple of years younger.
I just want to feel free to move around as I like, but I’m scared that she might make trouble for me if I get off with someone else or don’t ask her out.
What do I do?
WE were all devastated when my girlfriend’s dad died suddenly of a heart attack.
I helped her and her mum organise the funeral and paid for a holiday in Gran Canaria.
We all cried over her dad, who was a lovely man, but we laughed together too remembering all the wacky things he used to do.
But it’s now six months on and she’s acting all weird.
I get it that grief is tearing her apart, but does she really have to take out her anger and frustration on me?
She’s started going out without me. More than once she’s called me boring.
She’s hooked up with a gang of girls she went to school with who all party hard and drink too much.
Precious
Whenever I ask her where she’s going she tells me to mind my own business. She trots out the same old line about life being for living.
She says her dad’s early death has made her realise that every day is precious.
As a result she’s not prepared to squander her precious youth hanging out with tragic old me.
This hurts me so much. Apparently she wants to be out there, living it large.
The other day I was trying to have a serious conversation with her about finally scattering her father’s ashes somewhere meaningful.
I was suggesting his favourite seaside resort on the Kent coast when she flipped out. She screamed that I was doing her head in. She and I have known each other for a very long time.
We’ve been through thick and thin together. She’s not perfect and neither am I.
But now I wonder if she might be going through some sort of early mid-life crisis.
Could her dad’s death have triggered this frightening change of attitude towards me?
JANE SAYS: Please bring your problem out into the open. That’s the best thing you can do.
Talk to your parents, other family members or friends so as not to keep this worrying matter all to yourself.
It’s unfortunate this girl has fixated on you, but she cannot be allowed to ruin your life.
Someone needs to tell her to respect your space and understand that you are an individual with fears and feelings.
It could be that she’s lonely or troubled or has a difficult home life, but her personal problems are not your concern.
By bringing her issues to light, you may be able to get her any help she needs. JANE SAYS: Grief affects people in different ways.
If your girlfriend is feeling angry and raw, then maybe you need to give her some space.
I get the impression that, through no fault of your own, you’re irritating her.
Why don’t you suggest that you consider some time apart?
It’s obvious that her beloved father’s sudden death has had a huge impact on her and this is something she needs to work through.
It could be that she would benefit from bereavement counselling.
This can be organised via CRUSE Bereavement Care www. cruse.org.uk (0808 808 1677). Clearly you are confused and exasperated by your partner at the moment.
Obviously you care about her, but you simply don’t understand where she’s coming from.
I wonder if your relationship ran out of steam a long time ago and you’ve both been going through the motions since then?
Tell her you’ll always be there for her as a friend and promise to help her through this tough time.
But don’t neglect your own physical and mental health – and the very obvious fact that you’re still grieving too.