@ [feËk [\j\im\ dp ]\ccXËj jcXgj
J_Xd\ f] ™/b Xii\Xij K<II@9C< N?<E ?< CFJ<J @K 9Xnc`e^ b`[j Xi\ i\Xc gX`e
MY boyfriend has no idea I’m nearly £8,000 in the red.
He thinks I earn loads of money and can afford the holidays, the meals out and designer clothes we both love.
But I’ve been whacking everything on my credit cards and I’m struggling to cope. I’m terrified he’ll dump me if I can’t keep up with the lifestyle we’ve established.
His friends are all wealthy and I know his image means everything to him.
He’s a proud guy and a cheap night in with a ready meal simply isn’t his style.
The other night he started talking about a holiday to Las Vegas followed by a safari. How do I sort myself out without losing him?
MY boyfriend says he only lashes out because he loves me so much.
If he didn’t adore me, then he wouldn’t notice whenever I dress provocatively, flirt with other men or ignore him.
The guy drives me nuts. I never deliberately do anything to upset him, but time and time again he kicks off at the slightest thing.
I understand that he’s a very intense and vulnerable person. He’s been let down and hurt by all sorts of people all his life.
His mum was a thrill-seeker who had a new boyfriend every few months. His dad was mostly absent, but a complete pain whenever he did turn up (usually drunk and demanding money).
Bruised
From what I can make out, he hasn’t had much luck in love either. One girl went off with his best mate and another did a moonlight flit taking his watch and a load of money with her.
I get it that he’s bruised and damaged in many ways, but that doesn’t make him any easier to be with.
The other day he flipped out after I was late meeting him.
We’d arranged to meet in a local bar and I had trouble getting away from my boss, who wanted to chat about a new client.
I ran all the way to meet him, where he promptly accused me of sleeping with my boss and then slapped me.
Later he said he was sorry, but the next day he went nuts when he looked through my phone and saw that I’d been texting one of my brother’s friends. I tried to explain it was only about the surprise party my parents are organising for my brother’s birthday, but he screamed: “I just can’t trust you.”
I disagree. I think I’m an honest and straightforward person. I’d never cheat on anyone in my life, but he’s very hard to convince.
JANE SAYS: You have to accept keeping up with your boyfriend is a major part of your problem.
If you didn’t spend so much time (and money) impressing him and his pals, you wouldn’t be in this mess.
You’ve got to come clean before you go under.
Explain that you’re in trouble. If he genuinely cares about you, he’ll offer to help. If he doesn’t, then you’ll know where you stand.
I worry that this relationship is more about one-upmanship and showing off rather than true love.
Am I right? Speak to your bank and credit card companies.
Also check out the debt charity StepChange stepchange.org and investigate their online Debt Remedy tool. JANE SAYS: You can make all the excuses under the sun for your boyfriend’s appalling behaviour.
Of course, it’s very sad that he had such a horrible childhood and that people have hurt him. But absolutely nothing gives him the right to lash out at you. I don’t care how intense and vulnerable he is, it’s wrong.
It’s very common for control freaks to blame their victims for their violent actions.
The old “you made me do it” line because you’re such a tart/flirt/ nightmare is as old as the hills.
The fact of the matter is that no one can make your boyfriend do anything. He is blessed with his own free will.
He decides whether he hits you or not. He may argue that a red mist descends and that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but that’s something he needs to seek help for. He needs to start accepting that he has a problem, which now needs professional treatment.
Please don’t feel ashamed or accept that any of this is ever your fault. Talk to your family today.
Tell them everything and ask for their protection and love.
Then you must think about going to the police before this monster hurts you any further – or goes on to damage another innocent victim.
This physical and emotional abuse has gone on for too long.