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MY son has warned me that when his first child is born at the end of May he and his partner won’t be introducing the little mite to anyone for six months.
He doesn’t want anyone to visit their flat or to expect a visit from them.
Instead, they plan to stay at home to bond with the child.
I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
What granny has to wait six months before giving her grandchild a kiss?
He says his partner doesn’t want the baby overwhelmed or exposed to germs.
Her sister suffered post-natal depression due to family pressure and she wants to protect herself from stress but I can’t help feeling this is a snub.
They’re not prepared to discuss this. What am I supposed to do?
MY long-term lover makes no secret of the fact that he also has another girl.
She lives a couple of streets away and he splits his time between her and me.
As he prefers my cooking, he’s always here for Sunday lunch and my special curry nights.
He’s a very cruel individual who openly tells me that she’s far better in bed than I am.
But that doesn’t stop him demanding sex after his poppadom or Yorkshire pud.
Common
He’s always made it perfectly clear that I’m not good enough to marry.
Apparently neither of us are what he’s looking for in a wife. She’s too common and I’m too old, yet we’re obviously good enough for something.
He warns me that one day he’ll be gone and I won’t ever see him again, so I’m not to build my hopes up. But it’s so hard to dump him when he’s all I know.
I’ve deliberately never met his other lover.
I could pass her every day in the street for all I know, but I have no desire to become her friend.
People tell me that she’s as miserable as I am, so she’s obviously stuck in a rut too.
There’s a rumour going round that she got pregnant by him in 2011 and he forced her mum to bring the child up as her own.
Naturally I’ve attempted to ask him about this, but he refuses to open up.
Oh, did I also mention that he’s tight-fisted and selfish too? I feel humiliated and used.
I know, for a fact, that when he’s not with either of us, he’s out with his mates drinking and whoring around – and that hurts.
How do I make him grow up and do the right thing by me?
I’ve been with him for a very long time and feel I deserve better. Even his mother, who hates the sight of me, admits he treats me badly, and she thinks the sun shines out of his behind.
JANE SAYS: Don’t do anything. No-one’s asking you for your input.
Accept that you brought your son up your way and now he and his partner are doing things their way.
As long as the child is well loved, well fed and kept safe, I’m sure everything will be OK.
You need to respect the fact that your son’s partner watched her own sister suffer.
If she believes that protecting her newborn baby for six months is the way forward then good luck to her.
If you’re convinced they are snubbing you, think about what you might have done to cause this and make any necessary changes. JANE SAYS: You have to face up to the fact that you’re never going to change this man now. He is his own person with his own way of doing things.
He chooses to split his life three ways – between you, his other woman, and his mates.
He couldn’t be happier, so why would he wish to alter a thing?
You feel that you’re trapped in this situation, but you’re not really. You’re an independent person, you can do anything you want with your life.
No-one is forcing you to stay where you are. You could end things with him this minute and no-one would bat an eyelid. In fact, I imagine most people (including his own mother) would slap you on the back and say: “About time too.”
As you so rightly point out, you and his other lover are stuck in a rut. Your confidence is at an alltime low and you can’t see what the future could possibly hold for you as a newly single woman.
But there is a whole world out there, one that doesn’t involve you feeding and satisfying a man with the morals of an alley cat.
It’s your life, grab it with both hands. Get the support of friends and family and move on.