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MY on-off girlfriend and I were supposed to be getting a place together. I was meant to move miles away, up to her town.
But she’s informed me that she’s with someone else now.
I’m devastated and so embarrassed. I was only with her a couple of weeks ago.
We went for a meal and had mind-blowing sex. We talked about our relationship a lot and agreed that our love was as strong as ever.
But she’s since called me to say that she’s moved on. Now I look like a mug in front of everyone I have told about the move.
My friends and family keep asking me what’s going on. Despite everything, I still love her to bits.
What should I do? Should I still keep the wheels in motion and move up there anyway?
MAKING a sex tape was a really bad idea.
Now I rue the day I allowed my ex-boyfriend to talk me into it.
The wretched thing haunts me and I’m so ashamed of the things I did for the camera.
He first mooted it back in November.
I told him I wasn’t sure. I reminded him of how many famous people have been bitten on the bum by these things.
He accused me of not trusting him.
He said that if I really loved him, then I’d do anything he said and never doubt him.
Wicked
Eventually (after a huge amount of nagging on his part) I said I’d do it as a special birthday treat, but only on the condition that no-one else ever saw it – and he said fine.
He went straight out and bought sex toys, handcuffs, blow-up dolls and high heels (for me).
He even put together a script that involved me playing a poor peasant girl and asking for mercy from a wicked landowner (you had to be there).
The filming itself took place after loads of wine for me and plenty of Viagra for him.
I can’t say I enjoyed it one bit. I felt tacky and used.
Now he’s gone off with a girl from a hook-up app and I’m in pieces here.
I’ve never even seen the dreaded film, but its contents still scare me. I feel such an idiot for being so weak and for allowing myself to be manipulated. What if my horrible ex loses his job falls on hard times and attempts to extort money from me?
My real friends are sick of me moping around. They say I need to cheer up and get over him.
But it’s not them having the sleepless nights. I’m terrified. That dreadful tape could, potentially, blow my future life apart.
I feel so stupid and played. What can I do?
JANE SAYS: Forget it. If your on/off girlfriend has found someone new, if she’s telling you that she has a different life now, then accept it.
Swallow your pride and tell yourself that it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter one bit what others think.
This is your life, not theirs, and you’re not in competition with anyone. Sometimes the best-laid plans don’t work out. It happens.
Explain to loved ones that you’re single again, and leave it at that.
Then concentrate on getting your life back on track. Learn from your mistakes and emerge stronger.
If the relationship was meant to be, it would have gone the distance naturally. JANE SAYS: I suggest you speak to an adult you trust, a parent, aunt or grandparent and simply explain what you’re going through. Be honest. Admit that you’ve been stupid and naive but are now living in fear of being exposed.
From what you say, there has been no suggestion of blackmail from your ex-boyfriend so far.
However, if he even hints at a “loan” or a “friendly helping hand” in the future, then you must go straight to the police and report it.
In the meantime, might it be worth visiting your branch of the Citizen’s Advice Bureau or a local solicitor to find out where you stand and if it might be possible to get this tape back in order to destroy it? Above all, I urge you to stay strong and not be intimidated.
Accept that we all do stupid things – and allow ourselves to be taken in by stronger characters – at some stage of our lives.
If nothing else you’ve learned a very valuable lesson from all of this – trust your own gut instincts in future.
I urge you to wipe your ex, and this rubbishy tape from your mind. The longer you worry the more of your time and youth you’re wasting.