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WHEN a new bloke started at my work, I made an effort to be welcoming.
I invited him out to lunch, bought him coffees and generally showed him the ropes.
Now, however, he seems to have got the wrong idea about me.
He thinks that I fancy him and want us to be together. He keeps cornering me and asking me out.
The other day I was chatting to my old boss in the canteen and this new bloke actually got jealous!
He accused me of deliberately flirting with another guy in order to humiliate HIM.
I told him to “clear off ”, but now I’m scared. I’m afraid some people will say I’ve led him on. I’m also terrified he’ll find out where I live.
My real boyfriend will go crazy if he thinks someone else is after me.
I CRAVE romance, but my bloke’s only interested in cheap thrills.
I’m doing my best to create a home for us. I’d love to settle down, get married and have children.
Yet every time I ask him to move in here, he comes up with yet another excuse. He bleats that he hasn’t “lived enough” yet.
He wants more orgies, sex parties and crazy weekends away.
In the two years we’ve been together, I’ve already agreed to several threesomes.
We’ve also paid to attend professional sex parties and swung with some of the people he used to work with.
But none of it is really my thing. I didn’t enjoy rolling around for his entertainment.
Delicious
I thought that agreeing to everything in the beginning would make him love me more and think of me as good fun. But one mad encounter just leads to another.
Call me old-fashioned if you like. I like sex, but I love it in a caring, decent kind of way.
I enjoy being kissed and cuddled and told that I’m special.
I’m not into sex toys and leather goods. I’m not interested in sleeping with other partners and putting on a show.
The other night I made a special effort. I bought nice food and wine and cooked a delicious romantic meal just for the two of us.
Afterwards I led him to bed and insisted on making love “my way”. I asked for an oily massage, kind words and sex in my favourite positions. A few days later I heard him describe it all to his best mate as the “most boring night of my life”.
Why aren’t I enough for him? Why does everything have to be fast-paced and dangerous in his world?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you come clean and tell your colleague that there has been a terrific misunderstanding.
You’re very sorry if he feels you’ve sent mixed messages, but you’re not interested as you already have a partner.
Of course you like and respect him as a co-worker, but that’s where the relationship ends. Sadly, being friendly has backfired.
Be prepared for the fact that he may be angry and even nasty in return, but stand your ground. Go straight to your HR department, union or direct boss if this guy becomes a serious nuisance.
Absolutely nothing gives him the right to question or harass you. JANE SAYS: I hate the idea of your partner trying to pressurise you into group sex with a bunch of strangers.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with pushing back the boundaries and experimenting with sex as long as both partners are consenting and happy to do so. He has no right to expect a performance or make you feel guilty.
You are an individual with a mind and a will of your own. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Start being true to yourself and tell him: “No.”
No more threesomes, no more swinging with ex-colleagues and no more talk of orgies.
Lay it on the line so that he’s left in no doubt. Describe exactly what you are and are not prepared to do and what you want from a relationship. Sadly, if (as I suspect) you both find that you’re miles apart, then you’ll have to finally accept that you’re mismatched and are never going to make each other happy.
Of course, it’s sad when a relationship breaks down. It’s disappointing and sometimes it’s humiliating too. It’s not always nice becoming a single person again, but not all love affairs last.
This guy isn’t right for you, but hopefully the next person you meet will be on your wavelength.
Whatever happens, don’t sell yourself cheap for the sake of appearances.