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I’M sick of giving my adult children money they clearly no longer need.
I’m the mother of three. I’ve always given each of them £150 on the first of each month.
This was useful when they were at university and in their first jobs.
But now I get the impression that my contribution is nothing but a mere drop in the ocean – maybe even a bit of a joke – because they’ve all got good jobs and think nothing of spending thousands of pounds on their homes, holidays and cars.
Currently my daughter is in the process of buying a car for over £20,000.
How should I broach this subject without triggering an awkward scene?
MY new girlfriend is terrifying me. I never know what she’s going to do from one minute to the next.
One second she’s loving, friendly and reasonable, then she suddenly flips out. She hits and kicks me and calls me all the names under the sun.
I used to think that she was exciting and fun, but I’m beginning to worry that I’m out of my depth.
Recently we were at a barbecue when she kicked off. She threw beer all over the host and then started a food fight.
Things very quickly got out of hand with garden chairs and cutlery being lobbed around too.
Wrestled
Someone got hit in the eye while my girl wrestled the host to the ground.
His crime? Gently taking the mickey out of her Pokémon onesie. My mates have started calling her The Nightmare.
They’ve told me that they don’t want her coming out with us any more because she’s a liability.
From snogging other blokes to attacking other girls, no-one ever knows what she’ll do next.
And she’s become even more of a nightmare behind closed doors.
One minute she’s approachable and calm, the next she’s screaming at me for not paying her enough attention or loving her in the right way.
She often yells that I’m a cheat who can’t be trusted, even though I’ve never done anything to let her down. Yet, I’m frightened that if I leave her she’ll do something seriously crazy.
Someone once mentioned to me that she had a horrible, chaotic childhood with nasty parents and uncaring siblings.
Of course, I feel very sorry for her. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold on without her doing me some serious damage.
JANE SAYS: Tell them they’re doing perfectly well, financially, so you’re going to stop the allowances.
Point out that you probably should have done this years ago and that the extra money will enable you to cover your growing fuel and food bills – and maybe even have a short holiday.
In the unlikely event that they complain, point out they’ve been very lucky for a very long time.
The £150 may be mere pocket money to them these days, but it’ll make all the difference to you – then make sure you get out there and enjoy it.
Perhaps grabbing a calculator and working out how much you actually pay out each year will help you to focus your mind. JANE SAYS: You have to start putting your own safety and mental well-being first.
It’s very sad and unfortunate that your girlfriend is so unpredictable. But if her episodes and tantrums are frightening and upsetting you, then you have to make plans to move on.
You can’t continue with a partner who scares and intimidates you. You can’t wake up every morning worrying about what the new day will bring.
If the woman is depressed or manic, then she needs to be encouraged to seek professional help. Does her GP know about her outbursts?
Does she have decent family members or friends that you can talk to and confide in? Think about taking this problem outside your four walls and discussing it with people who might be able to support her in getting the help she so clearly needs.
Ultimately, you have to realise you can’t be held responsible for her behaviour. If you do leave and she does do “something crazy”, that’s not your fault.
But if you stick around, out of misguided sense of loyalty, then you could end up very sick, hurt or ground-down yourself.
Do you need to report her to the police for physically and verbally attacking you? I think you do.