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I CAN’T forgive my backsliding sister for doing a runner.
Six months ago our mother became ill.
We were told she would have to give up her flat and move into a care home.
I said I wasn’t having that and she’s been in my spare room ever since.
But my sister has disappeared. She’s not doing anything to support us and has taken on a job 20 miles away.
I’m furious. I’ve asked her to take two weeks off over the summer so I can go away for a rest.
But she’s coming up with every excuse under the sun.
Mum’s not stupid, she knows what’s going on too and I can sense her disappointment.
MY wife has become so boring. She doesn’t want to talk, have sex or even hang out with me.
My parents can’t stand her. They say she’s cold and rude.
Any time they come to our house she’s sarcastic and makes them feel unwelcome.
When I complain and ask her to be friendlier she snaps at me to “grow a pair”.
She says she is what she is – like it or lump it – and she’s not about to change for anyone.
Is this a good enough reason to break up with her? Do I deserve a better life with someone else?
We’ve been together for over 20 years and our son now lives with his girlfriend. I listen to the sexy stories that my younger workmates boast about.
Antics
Their bedroom antics are incredible and I feel insulted and shortchanged. At weekends, she visits her mother and they shop and gossip.
She never wants to go out with me, so I hit the town with my younger mates.
I get chatted up and told that I’m good-looking and fun. I realise what I’m missing by staying with a boring deadbeat like her.
There’s one gorgeous woman that I see in a trendy club.
She’s recently divorced and has told me several times that she’s desperate for any kind of sex.
We always flirt, dance and often have a little kiss. She’s always asking me to go back to her place with her. Dare I do it? Dare I finally live my life for once? I recently heard my wife on the phone to her sister referring to me as the “the old fart”. So you see, there’s no respect any more.
Yet the thought of selling up and branching out on my own is utterly terrifying.
JANE SAYS: Your sister has run away to avoid caring for your sick mother and now she’s dithering over pulling her weight this summer.
You should explain that you can see right through her. Is she really prepared to ignore her own mum and shaft her own sister again?
Has it really come to this? Sadly, we often find that people let us down in hours of need.
Are there other friends and family you can turn to for support?
Is your mum getting all the help she’s entitled to through her GP and/or social services.
If you can’t cope with your mother in your own home, then maybe she will have to go into a care home at some stage because you have to consider your own mental health and physical limitations too. JANE SAYS: I understand you feel frustrated and unappreciated, but is going off with a woman in a club really the answer?
Talk to your wife because she might just be as lost and unhappy as you are.
It could be that her coldness and sarcasm are coming from a place of loneliness and frustration.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall when she’s out with her mother discussing you and the state of your marriage.
There are invariably two sides to every story and I’m sure she’s got her own gripes about you too.
It could be that the two of you need to reset and get back to basics in order to save this marriage and carry on.
Be honest with her. Describe the kind of relationship you’d like and work together on making it a reality. Take the gloves off, but also be prepared for some home truths from her too.
Seek professional help through Relate if you think it will help.
The truth is that going through a divorce is heartbreakingly horrible for everyone.
Don’t go there unless you absolutely have to.
You’re right – giving up your home and moving on would be very hard.
But if you’re convinced that this marriage is dead in the water and cannot be revived, then you must be true to yourself and do what you think is best.