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I’VE taken a shine to another girl.
I feel shocked and surprised at myself because I’ve never thought of a woman like this before.
We sit next to each other at work and have such a laugh. She’s really cheeky and rude and we spend half the day in fits of giggles.
At a recent leaving party we spent the whole night laughing, dancing and mucking around.
The next day we were chuckling about something stupid when someone quipped: “When are you two finally going to get a room?”
At that moment, I realised that I fancy her like mad. Now things are a little awkward between us. She’s in a long-term relationship (with a girl) and I’m with a bloke.
SHOULD I be ashamed that I entertain men online?
I’ve invested in a laptop, webcam and a huge variety of sexy items; lingerie, adult toys and rude foods.
I paid for these out of my redundancy money.
Every day I log on and tout for business. I have a few regulars who enjoy my dances and performances, but I’m always on the look out for new clients, too.
Obviously, because I’m online I don’t have real sex with my clients. It’s very much a case of: “You can look but you will never touch”. If they touch themselves, then that’s their business – and I never arrange to meet anyone outside of my safety zone.
Grotty
I don’t judge; because big smiles equal bigger tips.
When I left school I dreamed of being a great actress or singer, but I didn’t get the breaks.
I kept up my pole dancing, ballet and aerobics classes after work, but ended up slaving in grotty offices, which I hated.
Six months ago I had a massive row with a boss who wanted me to work weekends for free.
He offered me redundancy and I grabbed it with both hands.
But once I’d paid off all my credit card debts I had nothing left to live on. As I couldn’t face another office, I followed my ex-flat-mate’s lead and started advertising my services online.
Now I’ve become addicted to the good money but hate myself for being so tacky and cheap. None of my family realise how I get by. Only one cousin (a professional escort) knows the truth.
She says that I’m not breaking the law and that we girls have to do whatever it takes to survive.
But how have I sunk so low? How did it come to this?
JANE SAYS: It’s often the case that we can’t help our feelings. If we connect with someone special then the spark of attraction can be overwhelming.
Clearly you like this colleague very much but if you’re both in committed, long-term relationships, then it wouldn’t be fair to cross a line just yet.
You have to talk to her in private about how you feel. Does she feel the same way? Are you both willing to end your other relationships?
Also, your boss might not approve of an office-based relationship.
Clearly there are strong sentiments bubbling under the surface. But you can’t continue to waste time at work. Start taking a more adult approach. JANE SAYS: You don’t judge your clients and I’m not going to judge you either.
If offering private dances and performances to interested men allows you to put food on the table and pay your bills, then that’s up to you. But I do worry about your safety, your long-term reputation and your peace of mind.
Is it really a good idea to allow complete strangers into your life in this way?
What if one of your clients becomes obsessed with you and decides to track you down?
What if someone recognises you? After all, it’s a small world…
Don’t delude yourself because someone always knows someone else and gossip travels.
How would you feel if a close friend or family member found out about this and spilt the beans?
Ultimately, you’re the one who has to look yourself in the mirror every morning.
If you don’t like what you’ve become; if you do feel ashamed or exploited, then vow to turn things around.
Okay, so you didn’t like working in an office; that’s fair enough, but there are other options.
What are your passions and dreams?
Think about further education, retraining or starting again from the bottom.
Is turning to family members for emotional and practical support or financial help an option?