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MY daughter has grown very close to her boyfriend’s mum.
My girl is pregnant with her first child but it’s this other woman she’s turning to for support.
I feel jealous and excluded. I have accepted that my girl is having a baby out of wedlock (although I’d be happier if she was married) and I’m willing to support and love her new family.
Yet I’m not getting a look-in. I hear that the “in-laws” have already bought the pram, Moses basket and loads of clothes.
Every time I offer to pitch in, I’m told to save my money.
She’s my only child and this is hard. I still keep a room for her here, but she’s told me to let it out to earn myself some money, which clearly means she’s not planning to spend any time here in the future.
THE whole of my life is a sham.
My family think I’m rich and successful, but I’m secretly in the gutter.
I’m a failure but I’m too ashamed to tell my folks the truth. I’m a liar, a fantasist and a fraud.
My parents still think that I work for a famous international company, flying the world sealing multi-million pound deals – but I was thrown out nine months ago.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I was basically accused of theft of property and money, which I still dispute.
Since February, I’ve claimed to be working on a secret project for my old boss.
I’ve made up stories about flying to Monaco and New York and having sex with swimwear models, but it’s all a pile of rubbish.
Grotty
The reality is that I’ve been holed up in a grotty bed and breakfast place on the south coast drinking my days away.
My parents are expecting me to turn up at their 40th wedding anniversary party next month and I’m bricking it. I look terrible, I’ve put on weight and I have no decent clothes to wear.
The only person who knows the truth about my circumstances is my sister. She tracked me down via social media and came round here last week.
I spotted her car in the street and tried to run out of the back door, but she caught me and made me tell her everything.
Now she’s urging me to come clean and just be honest, but I know that everyone will judge me. Plus, I can’t stand being pitied and I know my parents will be too nice and that will crush and humiliate me.
What I’m so ashamed of is the fact that my folks have invested so much money, trust and energy in me over the years and my failure to make a success of anything has meant that I’ve let everyone down – including myself.
JANE SAYS: It could be that your daughter is embarrassed and feels that she’s let you down.
If she knows that you would prefer her to be married, then maybe she feels more comfortable with her boyfriend’s mum; perhaps she treats her more as an adult and less of a child?
Whatever happens, you can’t allow this to come between you.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Your daughter needs you more now than ever and this is not the time for petty jealousies.
Make a friend of the other mum and work together to give your new grandchild the best possible start in life. JANE SAYS: Your sister is absolutely right – you have to come clean about your true situation or you’ll make yourself ill. Your family clearly love you very much. They’ve supported you in the past, so why shouldn’t they support you in the future?
I’m not only talking about money here, but emotional and practical support and advice too.
If you really don’t wish to ask them for more cash, that’s fine, but at least explain to your mother why you haven’t been around or she’ll assume you don’t care.
The truth is that we all experience ups and downs during our lives.
At the moment you are really down in the dumps, but you do not have to stay down there. If you have lost your confidence, then speak to your doctor about your emotional health and your excessive drinking.
Don’t be too proud to ask relatives or friends if you can volunteer to help out with their projects or businesses.
Your sister sounds like a gogetter, so pick her brains about getting out of this rut and moving onwards and upwards.
Whatever happens, do not try and duck out of seeing your folks, because you need to be surrounded by love, support and positive vibes.