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MY boyfriend is chatty and funny in everyday life, but silent in the sack.
This is so odd – and such a turn-off. He never says anything encouraging or saucy during our romps.
I have no way of knowing whether he’s enjoying himself or is satisfied.
Equally, I like a lot of flattery and a little smut during sex, but I’m not getting it.
He once told me to “shush” when I started moaning during oral sex.
My closest friend claims her cheeky boyfriend can virtually bring her to orgasm simply by talking dirty and licking her ear.
I don’t think my guy has made me blush once.
MY new lover is taking over my house – and I don’t like it.
She has started referring to my pad and my money as “ours” and I feel very uneasy about this.
I have investments and a good job. My parents died suddenly 10 years ago but left me in a very strong financial position. I have no mortgage and a lot of assets.
My girlfriend and I met at a party. She’s very easy-going and relaxed. She’s funny and our sex life is great.
I enjoy her company, but have begun to realise that she’s something of a stranger to the truth.
When we first met she led me to believe that she is independently wealthy. I’ve gradually realised that’s just not true.
Sexual
She does work, but she’s on a small salary and has no real savings. She moved in here after Christmas and although she sleeps in my bed – and our relationship is sexual – she pays me for rent and food.
But I recently heard her refer to my house as “our place” and the other day she told me that “we” should invest in a villa abroad.
She’s even started suggesting the expensive brands of food and wine I should buy.
A good friend has told me that she’s heard her bragging about us buying a new car this year. How dare she?
I feel she’s crossing a line. How do I, delicately, make it clear that she’s not to assume anything?
Yes, we are lovers and in the very early stages of a relationship, but what’s mine is mine.
It’s not for her to presume otherwise – is it?
JANE SAYS: It’s important to talk to your boyfriend away from the bedroom.
Be adult about this. Explain that verbal stimulation is an important part of love making for you.
You enjoy giving and receiving compliments.
You are turned on by saucy comments and need to know what he’s thinking and feeling.
There’s no need for him to be embarrassed, because you’re not judging him.
A good way of perfecting the art of talking dirty is by practising in front of a mirror. Could you try this together?
Sadly, if he’s really not interested in meeting you halfway and isn’t giving you the stimulation or the orgasms you’d like, then maybe you might have to accept he is not completely right for you. Weigh it all up. JANE SAYS: You seem to regard your girlfriend as a paying lodger with benefits, while she feels very much at home.
She sees herself as your other half while you’re quite determined to keep her at arm’s length.
But if you’ve never articulated your thoughts, then how is she supposed to know what her role is and where she stands?
Take the trouble to be clear. Sit her down and tell her that you’re not ready to fully commit or share and that she’s not to take anything for granted.
But do be prepared for the fact that she’ll almost certainly feel hurt and will argue back.
She’s a fully-grown adult. She’s got her pride and it’s hardly her fault that she’s got the wrong end of the stick.
Then there’s the matter of respect. Of course your money is your business – and you must do with it as you please – but if you don’t actually believe that this woman is good enough for you, then isn’t there the danger that you’re actually using her for company and sex without giving her the space and regard she’s due as your equal?
After all, you do refer to her as your girlfriend.
All relationships are unique and settling into a routine always has its challenges.
But if you don’t feel that you trust this woman, or really take her seriously, then could it be that you’re actually wasting each other’s time?
Maybe she’s not quite the partner you’re looking for.