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A FEW weeks ago I had a massive row with my cousin.
I was angry with her for taking advantage of me.
I accused her of always expecting me to pick up, look after, and mind her kids.
I told her that she was guilty of putting boyfriends before family and dropping me whenever a better invitation came along.
Now she’s refusing to talk to me and I’m so upset. She and I virtually grew up together and have always had a very honest relationship.
Yes, I spoke frankly to her the last time we met, but that’s what I’ve always done. She knows what I’m like and we always make up in the end.
Only this time it hasn’t happened, because her latest boyfriend has got involved and told her to ditch me.
I LOVE my fella but I hate the fact that he’s so unreliable.
He never turns up on time, never does what he says or finishes a job.
A few months ago my sister got married and he didn’t manage to make it to the ceremony or the breakfast.
My fella finally staggered into the evening disco looking like death. He told a garbled story about being ill. But three days later I discovered that he’d been with another woman.
He doesn’t really work, he never has any money and he tells terrible lies. In the five years I’ve known him we’ve broken up and got back together too many times to remember. He’s also had piles of money off me too.
Texting
At the moment we’re estranged. He’s back living with his stepmum. He’s texting me to say that he can’t stand her – she’s too bossy, too demanding – and he wants to come home.
Dare I take him back again? My parents and friends are all saying I shouldn’t. Even his birth mother has said that I’d be an idiot to give him another chance.
But the problem is that I love him. I know he’s useless, but I can’t resist him.
Just the thought of having him in my arms again sends tingles up my spine.
The last time we made love was in April. He turned up drunk late one night. I was lonely and vulnerable. He threw me on the bed and ravished me. I still fantasise about it now. The sex was amazing – as it always is with him.
He’s a bad boy in every sense of the word – but he’s my bad boy.
At the moment he’s saying that he’s changed. He’s going to get a proper job and stop drinking.
He’s even offered to pay back every penny he owes me. What do you think? Should I take another chance on this rough diamond?
JANE SAYS: I suspect a period of quiet reflection would do you both good. Give each other some space.
If your cousin has forgotten how to respect and thank you, then you need to brush yourself off and mix with other friends and family members.
You don’t mention having any laughs or fun with this girl – it was all friction, blame and accusations.
Accept that she’s thrown her lot in with her new boyfriend and that she’s no longer your concern. She will survive and so will her children.
Concentrate on getting on with your life and being the best person you can. JANE SAYS: Rough diamond? This bloke sounds more like a bit of cheap plastic.
Nothing about him is real. He does not tell the truth or follow through. You cannot trust him from one minute to the next.
Of course you’re going to take this “bad boy” back because you always do. But if you’re asking me if you’re going to change him and live happily ever after, then, of course my answer is no.
The fact is that this man will always disappoint you, because he’s not interested in commitment. It doesn’t suit him.
As soon as you settle into a routine and everything gets too predictable and “normal”, he will be off again. How much more can you stand? You have already gone through numerous splits. How many tears have you shed on his behalf?
How much time have you wasted fretting over him? Do you honestly feel that you can cope with yet another bust-up?
I think the best thing you can do is tell him to stay exactly where he is and prove his love by sending back all the money he owes you.
Let him woo and impress you, but don’t hold your breath.
All I ask is that you go into these next few weeks with your eyes fully open. Life is short and you’re in danger of squandering yours.