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HOW many times must I forgive my cheating partner?
We’ve been together for several years and she has had two big affairs and a couple of flings that I know about.
The first affair was a six-month romp with her boss. She wept that she had to sleep with him or she would have lost her job.
The second was with an ex-neighbour, who she claimed was blackmailing her. As for the flings, I only know about those because her ex-best friend recently emailed me with all the sordid details.
She swears that she’s now given up all alcohol and will never let me down again, but can I trust her?
Is she actually capable of remaining faithful? The other night I caught her in the garden, whispering into her phone.
She’s also told me she’s got a week-long work commitment in Germany coming up. I don’t know how much more I can take.
MY lying boyfriend continually lures me back with great sex.
He cheats, he goes AWOL and uses my money.
I tell myself – and all of my friends – that I hate him and never want to see him again.
But then he snaps his fingers, invites me over for a night of filth and lust – and I’m gone again.
I despise myself for being so weak, but he’s like catnip to me.
His smell, his face, his bad-boy attitude all speak to me in a way I can’t describe or deny.
I’m not happy about the fact that he has cheated on me numerous times, but I have to turn a blind eye or I’d drive myself crazy.
He’s a ridiculously good-looking man with a great physique and gorgeous face. Think “Hot Felon” and you’re halfway there.
Fluffy
Sex is his speciality. I’ve never known a lover like him for stamina, excitement and technique. When we’re together he ties me to the bed with fluffy handcuffs and I orgasm over and over again.
He only has to look at me and I melt. If anything, I’m the one who is constantly pulling him into bed. But I’m under no illusions, he is no good for me.
My family constantly tell me I’m a fool for allowing him to bleed me dry. My stepmum in particular thinks I’m a mug for bankrolling the man and says I must be both desperate and stupid.
Maybe I am, but if a £200 sub here and a £300 phone bill there is the price I pay for a great sex life, then surely that’s my business? Still, she continues to cause trouble and make me doubt myself. I suppose the question I really want answered is: How do I make my man respect me more and stop using me as his cash cow?
How do I stop him from bedding other women behind my back when he has a fantastic woman who adores him standing right in front of him?
JANE SAYS: I get the impression that your partner has an answer for everything.
Does she ever actually say sorry or take responsibility for her actions?
I urge you to pull yourself up to your full height and tell her “enough”. Explain that you’re not prepared to go through this again.
You don’t want to hear any spurious reasons or excuses – if she’s not 100% committed to this relationship, then you’re out. JANE SAYS: The next time you turn your man down for a “loan” I can guarantee you won’t see him again for dust.
You may not like that arrangement, but that’s how it works. The fact is that your boyfriend is one of those people who thinks he is entitled to live a charmed life.
Having been blessed with good looks, that so many women find irresistible, he’s worked out that he can float from female to female without worrying about money.
Great for him, but not so good for the likes of you. The reality is that yours isn’t an equal, mature, genuine relationship – it’s an arrangement, a contract.
If you’re happy with that, then fine. But if you’re not, then you need to stop kidding yourself that this is perfectly acceptable because your boyfriend is never going to change his terms. Why should he?
Of course you can live your life anyway you choose, but is sticking with a man who has cheated on you so many times good for your confidence or your sexual health?
Your stepmother may be vocal, but at least she is honest and has a point. She’s clearly on your side, which is more than can be said for your bloke. Look at the bigger picture before he drags you down and steals your confidence.