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I DON’T have any kind of life because my fella will not let me out of his sight.
If I go and see my mother or sister, he insists on coming. At parties he always drinks loads so I have to drive home.
Several girls in my office always go to Spain in September.
I’d love to join them, but I know he’d never allow me to spend a night away without him.
He’s always telling me I’m stupid and clumsy, but I’ve never done anything to let him down.
On the contrary, he was the one who lost our savings on a get-rich-quick scheme’ and flooded our house when he broke the shower.
Only I’m never allowed to mention those “accidents”.
MY nervy boyfriend got cold feet hours before he was due to move in with me.
We’d set July 1 (my birthday) as the day he’d leave his longterm partner and become my live-in lover.
Yet just before he was expected to rock up here with his gear he cried off sick.
He texted that he couldn’t bring himself to hurt his partner, that she was having problems at work and her health wasn’t good and he didn’t feel that he could “stab her in the back”.
He begged me to forgive him. I cried into to a bucket of wine and all of my friends agreed that he’s a total coward and a rat.
Rumble
Now all I have left is the new toothbrush I’d bought him and empty promises.
And he still owes me over £2,000 from our 18 months together.
This time last year he told his partner that he was going on a business trip. Instead, we flew out to Ibiza for seven blissful nights of sun, sea, sex and more sex.
Not only did I pay for his flights and accommodation, but I gave him spending money too. I put everything on my credit card so that his partner wouldn’t rumble.
Am I ever going to see this man again? Is he going to bother to come back for that toothbrush?
I’ve put my life on hold for him. Nine months ago I turned down a major promotion at work.
He complained that he would not be happy with me flying all over the world on business, so I had to tell my disappointed boss it was not for me. Then, only six months ago, a wonderful exboyfriend came back into my life and asked me to marry him.
Again, I turned him down for my bloke – and look where I’ve ended up. What am I supposed to do now? Every single boat of mine has now been burnt.
JANE SAYS: You’re not in a proper, grown up relationship – you’re serving a life sentence.
What gives him the right to keep you on a leash and talk to you like dirt?
From what you say, he’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, yet he continues to control and humiliate you.
I’m sure he feels enormously big and tough every time he pours water on your plans and tells you that you’re not allowed to see your family or join your mates in a little fun, but he simply makes himself look pathetic and insecure.
For goodness sake, stand up for yourself and make plans to leave before he robs you of the best years of your life. There is happiness beyond this utter misery. JANE SAYS: Surely you have got to view this rejection as a fortunate escape?
Of course, you’re disappointed, upset and confused right now.
But your ex-boyfriend sounds like an absolute nightmare. Who promises to move in and then wimps out – by text – just hours before he’s due?
The reality is that the man is in a relationship with someone else who clearly depends on him completely, so try to accept that he was never actually yours.
He was a liar and a cheat who was leeching off you and playing a game. I suggest you do the following – cry your eyes out, punch your mattress, scream into your pillow and then rise again.
Insist he pays you back all of the money he owes you – in instalments if necessary. Then deposit his new toothbrush in the recycling bin. Once you’re shot of him, don’t ever have anything to do with him again.
I worry that someone as unscrupulous as this will try and worm his way back into your affections again in the future.
Don’t let that happen. Be strong, never forget what he’s done to you and learn from this.
Oh, and just a little tip – avoid men in long-term relationships again in future.
Find yourself a guy who is free to give himself to you completely.