MY lovely partner was with me during the birth of our son in 2014 and was a total nightmare.
He panicked, he fussed and he drove me mad.
I’m pregnant again. But how do I tell him I don’t want him there again without hurting his feelings?
He’s super-excited at the prospect of becoming a dad again.
He keeps telling family and friends that he’s an “old hand at this birthing business”.
But sadly, he actually made a tense and painful situation a million times worse.
I was more worried about what he was doing and feeling than the birth itself – and I know the nursing staff hated him as well.
I want to get on with the job of giving birth with just my sister present.
MY girlfriend wants a six-month ban on sex.
She wants to punish me for having sex with a woman from my work.
Yes, I did cheat. I hold my hands up and admit everything. I’m a bad person and I deserve to be punished. But six months?
I can’t go six days without feeling like I’m about to explode – and she knows that.
We’re arguing and I don’t know if our relationship can survive.
Our problems began when I started my current job in January. On the first day I was shown around by a woman I used to work with years ago. We had a bit of a fling back in the day and we joked about the past.
She took me to the canteen for a coffee and we flirted. A couple of weeks later my partner went to see her sister in Spain and I was left alone.
One night a whole load of us went to the pub after work and my female colleague ended up back at my place for a nightcap.
One thing led to another and we had sex. It was good. So the next night we did it all over again – and the next and the next.
My partner finally found out the truth when my colleague’s husband came round and tried to beat me up.
Now all hell has broken loose. I’ve been slapped with a sex ban and I’m climbing the walls with frustration.
My colleague has left the firm and I’m now a laughing stock. My partner says she doesn’t care about my needs. I can go whistle. But this can’t be my life until next March.
It’s my birthday in December and then it’s St Valentine’s Day.
Yet when I try to reason with her she looks at me as if I’m a piece of filth.
Is it so unreasonable of me to want sex with my own partner, in my own bed in my own home?
I’ve said I’m sorry. What more do I have to do?
JANE SAYS: It’s great your partner is keen to get involved, but if he was a liability the last time then he must be told the truth now.
Tell him you’ll need his energy and enthusiasm once the baby is home and you’re feeling like you’ve been through a spin-dryer.
Gently explain your sister is better placed to support you.
This is not about excluding him, but about getting through this experience the right way.
Don’t feel under any pressure to do anything you’re not happy with.
It’s your body and your call – and if he loves you then he’ll respect that. JANE SAYS: Unless your partner is reassured that you are sorry and will never pull another stunt like this, then she’s going to stay mad at you.
I get the impression that imposing a sex ban is the only way she has of making you listen.
From what I can make out from your story, you had sex with a colleague many times in your own house – on different dates – while your partner was abroad.
However, you didn’t see fit to tell your partner the truth on her return. Oh no. That only came out when your lover’s husband came round to duff you up.
Were you ever planning to confess all to your partner? Or were you hoping to keep your office affair a secret?
Also, there’s the matter of why you felt tempted to cheat when your partner’s back was turned.
Can she honestly trust you again in the future? Have you changed?
Suggest a heart-to-heart chat. However, if she still absolutely refuses to reconsider her sex ban, then you have to decide if this is the life you wish to live.
If you think you’d be better off as a single man, then maybe this is the end for both of you.
Get a sexual health check and buy lots of condoms.