@ cfm\ _\i# Ylk j_\ _Xk\j j\o
GXik`\[ flk Xe[ `e [\Yk >@ICËJ JF :FC; 8K 9<;K@D< DX# -/# jc\\gj Xifle[
I’VE had a brilliant summer of partying.
The problem is that I’ve lived beyond my means and I’m broke.
My girlfriend has gone travelling (owing me £500, which I’ll probably never get back) and I’m in my old bedroom with my parents nagging me to get a proper job.
I am scared because I’ve used up all of my options.
When I got into debt in 2015, my parents reluctantly bailed me out.
Then, last year, my nan gave me £1,000 to save my bacon.
Only now my nan is dead and I know my parents won’t give me another penny.
They’ll disown me if I dare admit I’m now more overdrawn than ever before.
I’M living with a frigid woman.
Over the past few months she’s started making it clear that she doesn’t like being touched or “pulled around”.
She’s neither affectionate nor warm. Sex with her is joyless, mechanical and cold.
If ever I come up behind her and attempt to give her a spontaneous kiss and cuddle, she flinches and goes rigid.
Recently, at a family party, my dad ushered us all into the garden for a group photo. I put my arm around my girl’s waist and she actually hissed: “Get off me.”
Whenever we make love it’s always with the lights off.
We’re never naked and there is no passion. She simply positions herself on the bed, instructs me to approach and then grits her teeth until the dirty deed is done.
Kisses
I’m fully aware that she only allows me to approach out of a sense of duty. The minute I orgasm she darts into the bathroom for a freezing shower.
Quite often she sleeps in the spare room, because she can’t stand my snoring.
But I think the truth of the matter is that she’ll do anything to get away from me, my kisses and caresses.
Despite everything I love the woman because she’s hardworking, honest and decent. But I need our private time to be intimate and loving.
I daren’t suggest sex games, toys or dirty weekends away because she’d call me a pervert. And any form of tickling or rough and tumble is out too because she just doesn’t like it.
How do I get her to loosen up and be the lover I need her to be, without her calling me an unreasonable sex pest?
JANE SAYS: Does it not occur to you to rein in the partying and start sorting out yourself and your overspending?
For three consecutive years now you’ve overindulged.
First your parents bailed you out, then your grandmother.
Now you find yourself financially embarrassed again and you’re terrified.
Check out the National Debtline nationaldebtline.org – 0800 808 4000 – for tips and information on debt management.
Whether or not you confess to your parents is up to you, but it’s never a good idea to suffer in silence.
Perhaps you could make it clear you’re not after funds, but could do with some emotional help because you are frightened – and now realise that you need to change. JANE SAYS: We’re all different and if your girl is especially sensitive and doesn’t like being touched, then that’s what marks her out from the next person.
Clearly the woman is very anxious in the bedroom. She views sex as a trial and an ordeal that has to be endured and got over with as quickly as possible. From the darkened room to the freezing shower, she derives no pleasure from the physical act.
What a shame. Fortunately, she’s got you and you’re obviously someone with patience and some sympathy.
Other people might have walked away by now, but you’re hanging on in there hoping for a solution.
First, I suggest you ask to speak to your girl in private, away from the bedroom.
Explain that you love her, respect her and care for her, but you need to know what she’s thinking and what she’s feeling. Why is sex such an ordeal?
Does she need to tell you about any past experiences? Did she have a particularly religious upbringing? Did her family or someone at her school tell her that sex was dirty and wrong?
Make it clear you’re not blaming her, but need to understand, because you’re not a monster.
Explain that you’re willing to help and support her all the way.
Ultimately, however, only you can decide if you are prepared to carry on like this when all you crave is love and affection.