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I FEEL I’ve been snubbed and disrespected.
Recently my stepdaughter, the girl I’ve looked after for more than 20 years, got married.
Not only was I not asked to take the traditional father’s role and walk her down the aisle and give her away, but I wasn’t part of the main wedding party or on the official photographs either.
At best I was simply another guest. To add insult to injury, my ex-wife’s boyfriend played dad to the bride.
He was right in the thick of it and took a starring role.
Should I just walk away from her and let them get on with their lives? I’m not too proud to admit that I’m seriously miffed.
MY darling husband and I took wife swapping too far.
It came to the point where we decided to end our marriage.
He moved in with my best mate, while her husband came here.
But now I realise I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life and I want my real husband back.
I long for his touch, his humour and his salary.
I can’t stand the bloke I’ve ended up with. He is a slob and a mess.
He doesn’t clear up after himself and attempts to treat me like his domestic drudge – which I’m having none of. We’re rowing all the time.
Bragging
He’s not good enough in bed, around the house or in work. He only earns a fraction of my husband’s salary and is mean with money.
Meanwhile, my mate is having the time of her life with the man I married and I can’t stop crying. She can’t believe her luck because he is a genuine catch.
He can cook, mend anything and is red hot between the sheets.
She is bragging that she’s never been happier or more satisfied.
She keeps telling me that my ex is everything she’s ever longed for in a man; sexy, exciting, generous and fun.
How could I have been such a fool to get involved in something as stupid as this?
I thought swapping partners would be edgy and fun.
But now I’m no longer drinking and have a very busy work life, this suddenly seems like a stupid, childish idea. Of course I’ve spoken to my husband. I’ve told him I want him back only she won’t let him go.
I’ve begged him to tell me who he loves most, but he just won’t commit.
I dread the thought of us actually getting divorced and going through all that upheaval.
JANE SAYS: I understand your hurt and frustration but it’s never a good idea to fall out with anyone.
Your blended, extended family need to understand that you felt hurt at the way you were treated.
You weren’t given a role and that stung.
Obviously not everyone can be at the top table or in every photograph, but a little more consideration could have been given.
Speak to your family individually. Don’t get angry, simply state your case.
Bitterness and resentment won’t get you anywhere.
That said, you have played a significant role in the bride’s life and you are allowed to speak your mind when you feel you’ve been insulted and sidelined. JANE SAYS: You have to get your husband on his own again and tell him that this is serious.
Everything has gone too far and it’s now time for honesty and a sensible resolution to this mess. You’ve allowed your life to spiral out of control. Therefore you’ve got to take stock, make a stand and say “enough”.
You cannot allow your “best friend” to bully you or call the shots a minute longer.
I get the impression that she’s a very strong-willed personality who enjoys making trouble and getting her own way.
Find out how your husband is feeling and what he’s thinking.
Tell him what is going through your head.
Admit that you believe you all made a terrible mistake and ask him if you can kick-start your old relationship and start again.
Once you know where you stand with him, then you can proceed. Can he really face a divorce? Sadly, if he’s not prepared to come back, then you’ll have to accept that and plan ahead for the future.
What’s obvious, however, is that you cannot stay with a man you neither love nor respect.
Therefore you must talk honestly to the guy you’ve ended up with so that at least you and he can part amicably – whatever happens to the others.