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I DEEPLY regret ever allowing my boyfriend’s brother and his partner to stay in our home.
We’re just back from two months in Spain and feel violated.
They didn’t make a mess – quite the opposite. He has decorated and she has completely cleaned the place.
She’s cleared out the freezer, scrubbed cupboards and sorted out clothes and books “to be dumped”.
In other words, they found our flat so dirty and messy that they spent hours sorting it out!
The place might have been a bit messy but it wasn’t dirty or unhygienic.
Now I feel as though they’ve been judging me. Even my boyfriend’s mum is making jokes about it being “finally safe to visit”.
I’M absolutely disgusted with my girlfriend for having a secret stash of sex toys.
How insulting is that? She’s always told me that I’m a brilliant lover and that she orgasms every time we make love.
Considering that I go round to see her (and service her) every other night, why should she need any mechanical aids?
Not only does she have a large vibrator (and various lubricants) in her bedside drawer, but she also keeps a weird and wonderful selection of gadgets in the drawer under the bed.
How do I know? Because the other night I could hear a funny noise and it was one of the wretched things buzzing!
Boasting
She’d obviously been pleasuring herself just minutes before I’d arrived. The cheek of it.
I never had my girl down as a sneaky or sleazy sort, but this discovery has really disappointed and confused me.
She works from home and I hate the idea of her sneaking up to her bedroom during the day for some solo “afternoon delight”.
Does she also look at porn too, in order to get herself in the mood? Does she strip naked and writhe around the bed or simply enjoy a quick buzz before getting back to her computer?
The whole thing is very baffling and made worse by the fact that I’m too embarrassed to talk to her about this, as I don’t know where to begin.
I thought our sex life was good. I’m always boasting about it to the blokes at work, especially when they complain that their wives and girlfriends have become boring, frigid or fat.
I feel very let down and deceived now. My confidence has taken a massive knock.
JANE SAYS: We’re all different. Some people can’t sit still while there’s a lone crumb on the carpet while others simply don’t see dirt.
Personally, I’d be delighted if a relative redecorated and cleared out my rubbish but that’s just me.
Perhaps your boyfriend’s brother and his partner thought they were doing you a favour? As they were in your place for two months, was this their way of payment?
Don’t get angry, start talking. Maybe your place was untidy but how would they like it if someone came into their home and moved everything around?
If you do struggle with housework, set up a rota or system for future blitzes. JANE SAYS: As I understand it you and your girlfriend don’t live together. You go round to see her a few times a week and the rest of the time is her own.
Therefore, she’s entitled to do anything she likes in the privacy of her own bedroom. If she enjoys sex toys, so what? You don’t own her or control her movements.
Are you honestly telling me that you never look at saucy material or touch yourself when you’re alone?
I don’t consider “hiding” a sex toy in the bedside drawer to be much of an effort either. Could it be that your girlfriend actually wanted you to find her vibrator because she feels your sex life needs spicing up? Think about it.
I urge you to find the courage to talk to her honestly and sincerely. Explain that you love her and respect her and are determined not to let things become stale or predictable between you.
Could you and she think about breaking the ice by using this marital aid together?
Offer to take things slowly. Suggest a relaxing evening and an early night so you can cuddle and see what develops.
Ultimately you need to vow to save this relationship before it loses momentum.
Oh, and do yourself a favour and stop talking about your sex life at work. Every time you open your mouth you betray your relationship and let your girlfriend down.