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EVERYONE is on at me to get married.
My partner and I have been together for three years and are very happy with our situation.
But all I ever hear is: “When are you tying the knot?” My mother and mates will not stop going on about children.
The other day my oldest friend asked whether there was “something wrong” with me. She asked if my fella sleeps in my bed or if we had a sexless, platonic relationship.
She even hinted she thought my man might be gay and that I’m only with him to protect him from his family and share his salary.
Why won’t anyone allow us to live our lives our way?
MY devious friend after my husband. Hatred is
I thought I could trust her and that she was honest and true, but I’ve caught her snuggling up to him three times.
Once was on my sofa when I came back from my mum’s early.
Another was at a party that she didn’t think I was turning up to.
And the other time was in a wine bar in town. On that occasion I was just passing on my way to see my sister.
I’d decided to walk rather than take the bus because the traffic was bad. I was just passing our favourite haunt when I spotted my mate and my man sharing a bottle of fizz.
I stopped and stared as they giggled and flirted and she put her arm around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Naturally I stormed in and demanded to know what was going on. He said I’d got it all wrong, while she looked at me with absolute hatred in her eyes.
People warned me a year ago that she was dangerous, but I refused to listen. I’m beyond angry and upset.
Now my husband refuses to discuss our situation. He says he’s not in love with her and has no plans to leave me, but he is spending an increasing amount of time out “with his mates”.
The other week he didn’t come home for three nights in a row.
I’m absolutely convinced that not only is he still seeing my exmate behind my back, but that he’s sleeping with her too. My whole family say I should chuck him out. My brother-in-law has even offered to come round and take all of his stuff – including his precious motorbike and vinyl – to the local dump.
What’s going on? How can he treat me like this? And what kind of friend was she?
JANE SAYS: You’ve been tough with your friend. Now start being tough with everyone else too.
The next time your mother asks a personal question or makes a sly remark, firmly tell her that you are very happy.
Remind her that you don’t pry into her private life or suggest how she should live.
Tell her you know she loves you and has your best interests at heart, but that you are quite capable of making up your own mind.
Marriage? Children? Please can she, and everyone else respect your position and stop being boring?
Your nearest and dearest need to hear that not all of us choose to follow the same path and, ultimately, you refuse to be bullied into a certain way of living. Is that clear enough? JANE SAYS: Your family are absolutely right. At the moment you are fighting for a man who has not got the backbone to actually speak honestly to you.
He is still mixing with your ex-best friend and is hiding away like a pathetic wimp. Maybe you and he didn’t always have the most perfect relationship in the world. Who actually does?
But there are grown-up ways of doing things and sneaking off with your former best friend behind your back simply is not one of them.
At the moment you seem to be railing against her, but he’s the one with whom you were in a committed relationship.
If he can’t bring himself to look you in the eye or suggest a fresh start, then he isn’t worth bothering with. Ultimately, it sounds as if they deserve each other – he’s as daft as she’s devious.
It’s unfortunate that you’ve lost a mate and a husband all in one go, but you’ll survive.
Insist he moves out, taking his junk with him.
Thank your brother-in-law but tell him not to touch anything or he could be accused of theft. Of course you’re all angry, but calm, reasonable heads are needed.
Concentrate now on picking yourself back up and moving on.
Set yourself goals and count your blessings that you’re finally free of the pair of them.