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Daily Star - - Tv Guide -

AF­TER a great night of sex I stupidly asked my boyfriend who he thought was best in bed – me or his ex.

“Her” came the harsh re­ply. He said he couldn’t lie, but def­i­nitely had a bet­ter time in his ex-girl­friend’s arms.

I couldn’t be­lieve what I was hear­ing and burst into tears.

I stormed off to the bath­room and locked my­self in. He banged on the door for over an hour be­fore giv­ing up and go­ing home.

How­ever, he’s now back­track­ing like crazy. He claims I’m sexy, ex­cit­ing and sat­isfy his ev­ery need sex­u­ally.

But I feel ter­ri­ble and don’t fancy sex as I feel ugly and my self-con­fi­dence is shot to pieces. How could he be so cruel?

MY hus­band is drink­ing yet again and I feel so let down.

He has fallen off the wagon so many times now I’ve lost count, and I think I’ve fi­nally had enough.

When he’s drink­ing he’s funny and lively one minute, but morose and de­pressed the next.

And when he’s sober he’s snappy and bad tem­pered all the time, so I can never win.

I’ve just been into our old shed at the end of the gar­den and it’s full of empty bot­tles – cheap vodka, gin, cider, the lot.

I am so dis­ap­pointed. I have been work­ing flat-out build­ing up my busi­ness and yet this is how he re­pays me.

Al­co­holic

His bat­tle with the bot­tle has been go­ing on for years.

When we first met he was ac­tu­ally tee­to­tal, which I liked as my late fa­ther had been an al­co­holic.

Sadly, he de­cided to have a glass of cham­pagne at our wed­ding re­cep­tion to toast our good health (ha, that’s a bad joke) and it’s been up and down ever since.

I have taken him to nu­mer­ous ap­point­ments with doc­tors and de­pen­dency meet­ings, yet noth­ing I do seems to help him per­ma­nently quit.

Of course he’s very sorry now and claims he is go­ing to beat this de­mon once and for all, but can I hon­estly trust him to change?

My fam­ily won’t have any­thing to do with me while I am still with him.

My mother can’t for­give me for ac­com­mo­dat­ing an­other drinker in the fam­ily when I know what she went through with Dad. And my sis­ter claims I have got a per­se­cu­tion com­plex, oth­er­wise I would throw him out and re­claim my life.

Mean­while, his long-suf­fer­ing boss is on my case telling me that my man is now on his last chance. If he doesn’t buck up he will lose yet an­other job.

What did I ever do to de­serve this mis­ery?

JANE SAYS: That’s the prob­lem with ask­ing loaded ques­tions – we don’t al­ways like the an­swer we re­ceive.

You were feel­ing sexy and alive af­ter a great night of sex, but you made the mis­take of push­ing your luck by ask­ing the dreaded “her or me” ques­tion.

Big mis­take. If your boyfriend doesn’t un­der­stand mind games and al­ways tells the truth, then you should not have pushed his but­tons.

Clearly the bloke is mor­ti­fied, but don’t blame him for giv­ing an hon­est an­swer to what he ob­vi­ously thought was a gen­uine ques­tion.

Make this up with him and get over your­self.

Of course he de­sires you and finds you at­trac­tive – why else would he be in your life? What of “his ex” don’t you un­der­stand? JANE SAYS: You have to start con­sid­er­ing your own health and well­be­ing.

At the mo­ment you are work­ing like stink, you’re wor­ried and you are be­com­ing es­tranged from your own fam­ily.

How long do you think you are go­ing to be able to go on like this be­fore you break down or col­lapse?

Ev­ery­one has their limit and it sounds as if you have hit yours.

For many years, you have at­tempted to help and sup­port your al­co­holic hus­band.

You have ac­com­pa­nied him on ap­point­ments and paid for him to stay in ex­pen­sive clin­ics yet he is still drink­ing and, short of wrestling the bot­tle out of his hands, what more can you do about it? He is an adult. Yes, I ac­cept that he is in the grip of a ter­ri­ble ad­dic­tion, but if he hasn’t yet reached rock bot­tom or doesn’t feel that he is ready or will­ing to stop drink­ing, then his life is in his own hands.

I sug­gest you speak to your GP about your own problems and get the help you need.

Re­con­nect with your fam­ily and ac­cept that you can­not be wholly re­spon­si­ble for the ac­tions of an­other.

Al-Anon is there to help friends and rel­a­tives of al­co­holics. You can con­tact them at al-anonuk. org.uk.

BAT­TLE: His al­co­hol ad­dic­tion has be­come such a prob­lem it is af­fect­ing the whole fam­ily

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