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AFTER a great night of sex I stupidly asked my boyfriend who he thought was best in bed – me or his ex.
“Her” came the harsh reply. He said he couldn’t lie, but definitely had a better time in his ex-girlfriend’s arms.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and burst into tears.
I stormed off to the bathroom and locked myself in. He banged on the door for over an hour before giving up and going home.
However, he’s now backtracking like crazy. He claims I’m sexy, exciting and satisfy his every need sexually.
But I feel terrible and don’t fancy sex as I feel ugly and my self-confidence is shot to pieces. How could he be so cruel?
MY husband is drinking yet again and I feel so let down.
He has fallen off the wagon so many times now I’ve lost count, and I think I’ve finally had enough.
When he’s drinking he’s funny and lively one minute, but morose and depressed the next.
And when he’s sober he’s snappy and bad tempered all the time, so I can never win.
I’ve just been into our old shed at the end of the garden and it’s full of empty bottles – cheap vodka, gin, cider, the lot.
I am so disappointed. I have been working flat-out building up my business and yet this is how he repays me.
Alcoholic
His battle with the bottle has been going on for years.
When we first met he was actually teetotal, which I liked as my late father had been an alcoholic.
Sadly, he decided to have a glass of champagne at our wedding reception to toast our good health (ha, that’s a bad joke) and it’s been up and down ever since.
I have taken him to numerous appointments with doctors and dependency meetings, yet nothing I do seems to help him permanently quit.
Of course he’s very sorry now and claims he is going to beat this demon once and for all, but can I honestly trust him to change?
My family won’t have anything to do with me while I am still with him.
My mother can’t forgive me for accommodating another drinker in the family when I know what she went through with Dad. And my sister claims I have got a persecution complex, otherwise I would throw him out and reclaim my life.
Meanwhile, his long-suffering boss is on my case telling me that my man is now on his last chance. If he doesn’t buck up he will lose yet another job.
What did I ever do to deserve this misery?
JANE SAYS: That’s the problem with asking loaded questions – we don’t always like the answer we receive.
You were feeling sexy and alive after a great night of sex, but you made the mistake of pushing your luck by asking the dreaded “her or me” question.
Big mistake. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand mind games and always tells the truth, then you should not have pushed his buttons.
Clearly the bloke is mortified, but don’t blame him for giving an honest answer to what he obviously thought was a genuine question.
Make this up with him and get over yourself.
Of course he desires you and finds you attractive – why else would he be in your life? What of “his ex” don’t you understand? JANE SAYS: You have to start considering your own health and wellbeing.
At the moment you are working like stink, you’re worried and you are becoming estranged from your own family.
How long do you think you are going to be able to go on like this before you break down or collapse?
Everyone has their limit and it sounds as if you have hit yours.
For many years, you have attempted to help and support your alcoholic husband.
You have accompanied him on appointments and paid for him to stay in expensive clinics yet he is still drinking and, short of wrestling the bottle out of his hands, what more can you do about it? He is an adult. Yes, I accept that he is in the grip of a terrible addiction, but if he hasn’t yet reached rock bottom or doesn’t feel that he is ready or willing to stop drinking, then his life is in his own hands.
I suggest you speak to your GP about your own problems and get the help you need.
Reconnect with your family and accept that you cannot be wholly responsible for the actions of another.
Al-Anon is there to help friends and relatives of alcoholics. You can contact them at al-anonuk. org.uk.