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DURING a terrible row about his off-hand treatment of me, my boyfriend announced that he’s actually bisexual.
Now he’s suggesting his boyfriend comes and lives with us.
He says he’s sick of hiding and lying and that I should be willing to accept the other most important person in his life.
I’m beyond shocked. I don’t want anyone else – male or female – living in my home.
My boyfriend’s plan is to spend alternate nights with each of us. We do have a spare bedroom his lover could settle in, but how did things ever come to this?
I thought I knew my bloke and understood what made him tick, but now it feels as if the last two years have been a sham.
MY bloke is moving abroad. He’s accepted a job with a top firm and already has his flights and accommodation all lined up.
What upsets me is that this is a done deal and he didn’t even have the manners to discuss it with me first.
I thought we were heading towards marriage and children, but apparently not.
When I ask him what I should do with the rest of my life, he just looks guilty and shrugs.
When I push him further and question whether he’s going to invite me over to see him – or even join him in his new location – he says he thinks we should “see how it goes”.
Letter
I only found out about his new job when I spotted a letter from his new employer on his laptop and clicked it open.
When I asked him to explain, he said he was going to tell me, but was struggling to find the words.
Basically, the coward is dumping me by degrees. He will be around for my birthday next month and then here for Christmas with his parents, but will be gone the first week in the New Year for the foreseeable future.
I know loads of people who moved abroad for work and have never come back.
My oldest mate went to the Far East six years ago and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.
I feel I’m being shabbily treated and cast aside. My guy swears that we can still be together up until his departure date. He’s even suggested a dirty weekend away in the New Forest for my birthday, but why should I give him a good time when he’s clearly not bothered about me?
Every time he suggests sex I imagine him in the arms of a new colleague or a local girl and feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
How could anyone be so weak and devious all at the same time?
JANE SAYS: Maybe your fella’s boyfriend is a lovely chap, but you shouldn’t feel obliged to share your home with anyone.
You’ve got to be strong and nip this idea in the bud right now.
Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and how you believe that he’s taking advantage.
Does he accept your home is your private sanctuary? Was it ever the plan to move a third party in? I’m also concerned about your sexual health.
If your partner alternates between you and his boyfriend then are you sure that he always uses a condom?
Do either of them have sex with other people too? Visit your GP for a sexual health check-up and don’t ever feel guilty for speaking your mind. JANE SAYS: Hard as it is, you have to accept your boyfriend is already halfway out the door. He may well be shrugging his shoulders and offering you guilty looks, but there’s no getting away from the fact that he has been savvy enough to apply for and get a new job abroad.
From sending in a CV with his initial application to then attending interviews, this cannot have been a quick business.
He must have been planning this move for some time. Don’t be taken in by his vagueness. This was a cold, hard plan.
If you and he are supposed to be in a committed, adult relationship, then shouldn’t he have offered you the option of embracing this experience with him? Take a few steps backwards and take an overview.
Would you even have heard about this job if you hadn’t seen his open laptop?
Just when was your fella planning to tell you all about it? The night before his flight?
I’m getting the impression that your fella is doing a flit and that this relationship is all but dead in the water. End it now and walk away with your dignity intact. The last thing you want is a prolonged break-up by a thousand cuts.