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MY oldest friend is so transparent it’s not funny. She bothers to call me only when she’s got nothing better to do.
We used to be so close. We went to school and college together. Now we’re both married, but I only hear from her when her husband is out of town or her other pals are busy.
I’ve just checked my phone and there are three missed calls from her and a text suggesting a meal out. Yet I rang her last month, when I was worried about my dad, and she was too busy.
How do I make her understand I have feelings too?
MY husband cheated on me the night before our wedding, while my nan was dying of cancer and during an operation on my broken leg.
He’s dallied with my friends, colleagues and certain family members.
One time a neighbour came to my door and said he had him on CCTV having sex on his bins.
I watched the footage and confirmed that it was, indeed, my man and his ex-girlfriend screwing away on top of a pile of rubbish – which just about sums my man up, actually.
My husband refused to accept any responsibility. He wouldn’t look at the footage and claimed the neighbour was a fantasist who was trying to blackmail us.
Rules
The problem with my bloke is that he lives in a parallel universe. He doesn’t believe that the normal rules of life apply to him.
If other people are in a queue, then he’ll push in. If a shop is giving away a free chocolate bar, then he’ll openly grab five. You get where I’m coming from?
My parents can’t stand him and say that meeting him was the worst thing I ever did. They’ll never understand why I went on to marry him.
As neither of them attended our wedding, they didn’t see him stagger up the aisle with love bites all over his neck or watch him fight the DJ for playing the wrong music. I often wonder why I bother staying with him myself. At the moment he’s acting distant and weird, which can only mean one thing – he’s seeing someone else.
Sometimes he blames booze and drugs for the way he acts. He claims he has an addictive personality and is also a sex addict, so nothing is his fault.
But I don’t know if anything he says is true any more. Could it be that he’s simply a thoroughly nasty piece of work?
JANE SAYS: You need to let her go. This association ran out of energy a long time ago.
You’re clinging on to the memory of a friendship. Yes, you and your pal used to be close, but that was a few years ago now.
These days this woman has got her husband in her life and a whole raft of new friends and she’s never there for you.
What you can’t do is allow her to use you when she finds herself at a loose end.
I suggest you widen your circle. Don’t rely on her and force yourself to find new friends who want to spend time with you and who respect your needs and feelings.
I’m not suggesting you actively fall out with her, but she’s certainly not your best mate any more.
I suspect that if you stop making the effort to contact her then you and she will naturally drift apart.
Picture posed by models
JANE SAYS: You don’t seem to have one good thing to say about your husband.
From his cheating through to his massive sense of entitlement, he sounds like a thoroughly offensive human being.
I’m with your parents. I can’t imagine why you ever thought it was a good idea to marry the man. But now you are a pair, you have to decide where you go from here.
If he really is currently sleeping with someone new, then shouldn’t this be the final straw?
Just how much more humiliation and disappointment are you prepared to put up with?
You have to start considering your own mental health, to say nothing of your sexual health. Take a good long look at your man today and ask him for that longoverdue adult conversation.
Tell him you need to understand where he’s coming from and what makes him tick.
Does he actually love you and see a future together for you both?
Sadly, if he still refuses to explain himself or meet you halfway, then you have to start making plans to move on.
I’m worried he will never change because he is who he is.
Speak to your GP and confide in your parents if you’re struggling to cope.